My fiancee and I have been having a rough time. We are still relatively young (early 20s) and have been together since high school. We are planned to get married in a year and a half. Our whole relationship she has been a bit of a boss in the relationship. This was something that I really didn't mind, although it did start to get old. She is working very hard on her career and is currently in medical school. A big theme in our relationship has been the equality of workload between us. I have been out of school and working for a few years now and have taken over a lot of the household chores while she would study and work towards her degree. I didn't mind that as I would have to do all that stuff living on my own anyways. So every day, I would get back from work, get dinner ready, make lunches, clean up, etc. and by around 8-9 I was done and ready to relax and unwind for the night. This is a problem for her as she is not impressed with my job. I went to school for engineering, but because of a poor job market, I found a job working for less than I would with my degree. I've grown in the company and have a lot of promise here, but my fiancee is so hellbent on me doing great things like her that she won't allow me to use my free time at night to relax. I have to spend my night applying for new jobs. Since she is working so hard I have to.
Recently, because of some free time from school she's had we've started preliminary planning for the wedding. This has got her all upset, because during her free time she has done so much and I haven't done enough on my own. I know out of experience that we are going to go with anything that she wants, so I make sure to include myself in the planning, but don't stray away from her plans. This has annoyed her and she has started lashing out. She constantly complains about me to her family and now they are questioning my motives for marrying her and if we should actually get married. She told me last night that her father thinks that I am the weakest person he has ever met. I am constantly being told I am a screw up and that I'm slow and stupid because I don't try and understand her feelings. I know that I can be frustrating, because I do tend to forget things and that gets very annoying to someone with her personality. Honestly, she has so many belittling things to me that it is hard to even remember them because they are so sad. All I can remember is the feeling of sadness. Last night we were arguing and she told me that she feels that I don't listen to her enough and act enough to make her feel better and that she doesn't even care to listen about my problems with her until I try and fix my part. Only after I have appeased (my words not hers) her will she consider listening to my problems. She constantly threatens me with ultimatums and mentions how happy she could be without me. Last night, she did just that. I had been listening to her cry and listening to her feelings but sprinkled in her cries were attacks on me to the point where she told me that she should find someone else. At that point, I got fed up and yelled at her that she should stop threatening me. She came back that I can't feel anything or listen unless I'm directly attacked and that all I care about is myself.

She kicks me out (or tries to) at least once a month and if I am able to get out the door it is my fault that I left. She will call or text me 10 mins after a left expressing disappointment that I didn't come back to her and that she is always the one to try and get back in touch. Today I have been getting texts left and right at work saying things like "I really would love it if you were able to have deep discussions with me about your feelings about me" and "I would love it if you could start coming up with ways on your own to show me you care and want me to feel special too." I feel that she has been so mean to me lately that its ridiculous that I have to break down and explain how much I love and care about her.

I'm not perfect. I understand that I do do things that upset her and are validated. But I don't think the way she has been reacting to it is validated at all. It's been a constant bashing on my every night for the past three weeks. If I try to leave, she makes me feel guilty for giving up on the relationship. Her family has even told her that they don't think I'd put up a fight for the relationship if she told me it was over. I don't know how I can win.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to get my family involved just yet because I still have to talk with them about funding part of the wedding and I can't bare to ask my family for money if they know this. I can't defend myself to her because if I do, I'm just being smug and elitist to her. I didn't realize that defend personal attacks on yourself makes you smug. I just needed to get this out. Thank you. I apologize for the disjointedness of this post.