Hi notmrsbrightside. My heart goes out to you. For many years my mother in law treated me as if I was inferior to the rest of the family. I also have a brother-in-law that is difficult to deal with. I am familiar with the bulldozer personalities because we have them in my husband's family. My mother in law finally came around I suppose because some of the other family members have become so dysfunctional she decided I was "okay."

Yours is a hard situation and I don't think your mother in law became the way she is overnight. I get a sense that maybe she was always difficult to deal with, and father-in-law suffering with cancer and dying maybe magnified that. Deaths in a family can either bring out the best or the worst in people.

Counseling for both you and your husband would probably be helpful. Seek help and consolation from the "outside" thru friends as well. We are here for you as well. Lots of love and best wishes.