Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
It can sometimes take a number of years to get over a past relationship. I think you would be making a mistake to try and get back in touch with him and to try keeping in touch. He seems to have moved on, while you are not yet in another relationship that you feel deeply about. So he has the advantage. You two as a couple did not succeed, and that's not going to change. You are kind of torturing yourself.
I know when you talk about being in touch with him, it's not that you see the two of you dating again. But what do you see? Keeping in touch with old loves is not usually a wise idea. That's why people generally don't do it. I've had that feeling, myself, about wanting to kindle the embers of friendship, where there was was something more. It didn't work out well. I ended up causing more pain for the other party and for me. Sometimes you have to let things fade into the past where they belong.
Sounds like you are really trying to fill a void in your present life. This is not the way to do it. Invest in the relationships of the here and now, not the past.
It's nice that you still care about him. You probably always will. That doesn't mean you should do something about that. It's not what he wants, or he would have done something different from how he reacted. This may be keeping you from moving on to what you need relationship-wise now and in the future. Ten years is a long time to still be carrying a torch. Pay attention to the opportunities in the present, or you'll never get out of living in the past. That would be too bad. You sound like a caring person who has a lot to give to the right person. It's not him.
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You answered a lot of what I've been thinking about. I've been going back and forth about how I feel lately. My relationship ended about one year ago and I still care deeply about my ex. However, he has moved on and found someone new to replace me and I haven't really found anyone but I have been focusing a lot of time on myself, family and friends. In essence, maybe he has that advantage because he's in a new relationship. I don't know what it means and I try to imagine that nothing is always as picture-perfect as it seems. But it really does seem like he has everything he wants. I've been doing all I can to focus on me and what I want since I do suffer from depression and anxiety. It's hard not being able to talk to him like I want and wondering what his life is like without me, which is probably close to perfect. I know that I did my best but I suppose it was not enough. I feel inadequate and worthless at times. I have good days, dont get me wrong, but what we had (even after the break-up) still lingers in my mind every single day. I want to change my perspective though. I was hurt by him so many times and each time I thought I could win him back, I kept losing. Then came the day where I had enough of being played like a fool. Even though I cared about him, I had to let him go.