Thanks for your words, it really means a lot to see that I'm not alone struggling with such problems!

While trying to come up with practical methods of actually going forward in my (at least some) activities, one big question that still bothers me is this "want to have something (become someone), but don't want to actually do it" pattern. Didn't you find it a bit weird when you say

It's the same with a lot of what I do, here's an example: One time I was obsessed with idea of becoming a professional poker player, seeing this as a fun job and a potential source of quite high income. I have spent huge amount of time (a couple of years?) studying poker math, playing and practicing, analyzing the games. All this time I was envisioning and dreaming that I will become this cool guy, who has this cool job that is actually a game and not a traditional 'job', and who also makes a ton of money from it. Then I suddenly realized that I don't want to 'actually do it'. In my dream this all was so great. And while I was profitable and making some money, I just did not want to play poker every day all day. After probably 10% of my expected way to poker greatness, I gave up.

Sometimes I think that all my "obsessions" are actually compulsive. It's like their inherent meaning is lost, and what's left is just some image, some picture of success, achievement and fame. It's like I look at a famous painter and think "Oh, I want to be like this guy. What does he do? Paint? So I think I want to be a painter". But I'm still not sure I want to actually paint for decades, maybe even not able to sell a single painting, just for the love of doing it. So what pushes me into this pattern? Need to win admiration of other people? Just need for some self-confidence? I'm pretty successful in the field of my main work, a lot of people work really hard to get the position and salary that I have got. And yet I can't stop, can't calm down, can't enjoy what I already have -- something is always missing...