CG,

I have come back to see where the voting has taken you. I was not surprised to see the consistent "NONE OF THE ABOVE" response .

I did, however, reread the post and got a tad worried on your behalf.

Only wrt to Chris, though.

The first three guys - you are just describing the normal, messy ebb and flow of relationships. This and that. Not a cause for concern per se - a bit confusing, but that is just how complex lives are this day and nothing worrisome.

What is worrisome is your not "getting it" with Chris.

Let us see:

- Chris is your best friend so it is unlikely that he is trying to mislead you, play with your mind etc.
- Chris told you that he does not love you
- He told you that you should get over him

This is a very clear, unambiguous, and unequivocal "NO" on this part.

Then you wrote that you cannot get over him.

That was very reasonable and understandable and both I and countless other people can attest to the fact that getting over love feelings is extremely difficult.

So far so good, on you part.

The bad part is that your concluding thought/question was about actionable items - you asked whether you should wait for him.

Obviously, you should not wait for a person who told you, without mincing words, that you should not.

It is one thing to say that you cannot get over the feelings, and not only is this understandable but you are certainly deserving of compassion for loving somebody who does not love you back as this is one of the toughest life stations to be on an EMOTIONAL level.

It is another thing to ask whether you should wait for somebody who, in essence, told you not to in three different ways.

So this concluding question makes the impression that you on some level live in the world of illusions and are out of touch with reality - I do not mean in a psychotic sense as if you were hallucinating - but in the sense of your unwillingness to accept the reality no matter how harsh it is and adjust your plans accordingly. Sort of not psychiatric "out of touch with reality" but purely psychological "out of touch with reality" and consumed by baseless optimism.

Accepting harsh reality is tough - no questions about it - but without taking this step you would not open yourself up for future possibilities which might be realistic for you. You would be marinating yourself in unresolved feelings feeding them with unrealistic hopes.

So however painful this surgery is for you, you need to accept that Chris is not an option and would never be an option.

Accepting is would be really tough and take some time and internal struggle, because "burying" love is always difficult, but in your case with Chris, there was some feeble hope for you when he had romantic feelings for you for a couple of months and that sort of "hooked" you on him because there was that vague possibility that now makes you go "I wonder" and doubt the finality of his "no". So the path ahead is not a piece of cake, but I wish you luck and perseverance on this path or else, forever waiting for Chris, you just might miss a good gentleman down the road. I am not saying you should look for more gentlemen now - you already have a handful - but you should work towards making your feelings of love for Chris not actionable. You feel them, but they do not make you change the course of your life

If you settle in this "I have the feelings but I am not going to act on them", then eventually, with time, they will dissipate and release their hold on you. But if you keep that flicker of hope of ACTION wrt Chris inside you, it would be just that more painful and disappointing. Not productive or useful for sure.