Hi murdergurl, I honestly can relate. For a while I never thought I would make it through to my twenties, yet here I am. Family members were my only friends, especially the older relatives. I'm terrible at small talk and causal conversation. Sometimes I have self-destructive thoughts, but I'm slowly learning that these thoughts of being an utter failure are delusions caused by depression. Knowing you're not alone doesn't always seem to help, especially when in a major depressive state. You might not believe me just yet, but I know you will overcome this. Try to ignore the torturous thoughts that spring in your mind by seeing them as the pointless thoughts they are. All the best