It's been a true case of opposites attract and always up and down and up and down. Never what I thought I wanted and yet when the times were good they've been better than any other.

The sacrificing I have to make though, it's wearing me out. The older I get the harder it is. The strain of it caused me to act out knowing he'd react negatively. Now we're in another stalemate. He has no clue how hard it is. As horrible as it's been I know he's in love with me and more than anything wants me there. Now it's up in the air once more. I can never break free, but maybe this time I'll have pushed him too far and there's no way for him to fix it. If he even wants to. Emotionally I became irrational because of the anxiety and stress of the sacrifice and travel.

Just a soap opera, but if it truly ever does end I will need emotional support in place of what he has been able to give me. There will be a void in my life that I'll have to try to fill some other way. The not knowing at the moment is the problem.