There's your bottom line, right there. Sounds like you two just make each other miserable. Too bad about the 14 year old child though. But witnessing this can't be too pleasant for him either.

You were able to get her to leave. If she is set up in some alternative living situation, maybe you both are where you belong . . . . apart.

Trying to apportion blame and find who is at fault is kind of beside the point. Doesn't really matter. You probably need to leave each other be.