I can relate. I hate myself too. But I have found that giving myself credit for even the small things in life helps my self esteem. You are important and you are special. There is someone out there that can help you. You may not know it or believe it, but there is. Have faith in yourself, you will be surprised what you are capable of. It is harder said than done, but you are already on a good path with being able to recognize these feelings you have. At 14, I was definitely not as aware of my feelings as you. Kudos to you for being able to do what you do. Keep in mind though, that you are worth a lot and always will be no matter what. It is hard to do, no doubt. I have been living with depression for 11 years and it sucks butt. I have been depressed for the past two weeks with no will to live, until out of nowhere I had someone tell me how they appreciated me. That boosted me. There are people out there who love you and appreciate you. I appreciate the fact that you are on this site and being able to talk through things. I hope this talk helped. You are not alone. Things will get better.
Hang in there.

--Fancy