I'm sick of myself

I can't stand myself. I mean honestly I know that I'm not the worst person, or the best in the world. I know that I'm not all faults, I know that I have my pros and cons like everyone else, but what I'm so sick of is the person inside of my head. I'm sick of it all, sick of the over thinking, sick of worrying, sick of being so passive, sick of just laying here wondering whatever is wrong with me. All I do is complain to myself, complain, complain, and whine. I have it so much better than most people, but does that mean that I'm not allow to have feelings?

I'm in a constant war, debating over everything. It's not healthy, but shouldn't I not care since I've been dealing with it? Obviously it's so ridiculous that I try everything to not think. Thinking is my enemy but I never stop thinking. Is it even my enemy? Am I just over reacting and being annoying and stupid? I don't know anything about everything I want to know but I some how sit here and stop myself. I don't act on anything because all of the debating sides will just make everything worse if they don't get their way. It's so painful and annoying, I can't ever understand myself. I just sit hear yelling and screaming at myself. I just go in a vicious cycle of being so empty so tired so physically and mentally exhausted, to bitter and cynical, to angry and self loathing, to so sad and beaten that I break down for hours.

I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't want to complain, I don't want to think, I just want it all to stop. I'm so sick of being myself, of being stuck in my head. I'm always alone, and I've tried looking for help but it seems no one really ever actually gives a crap about me. Then I feel bad for thinking that. I don't know. I just want to stop thinking. I want to stop being myself. I just want it to all go away. Now I feel pathetic and selfish.

I always do this, I beat myself up from every direction in every way before going back to being the calm, gentle, caring person, attempting to put myself back together and drown the rest out. I'm not special or important. I don't know, maybe I wasn't made to be helped. I'm always the one helping, but the one person I can't help is myself. I'm just so sick of myself.

I wish I could type something to magically make you feel better and to comfort you. All I can say is you're not alone. Do you have a psych or therapist you see? Everyone gets down on themselves sometimes. Don't beat yourself up so much though, you *do* have worth as a person. Hope this helps

you need to voice your thoughts maybe? talk to a t and doc, maybe get some meds and a diagnosis for your problem? I don't know but if i were you i would.

I don't have a psych or therapist. I do my best not to but like I said, it's just a cycle that's developed and not much I can do about it as far as I've found. It's been like this for three or four years. I don't know. Thanks for the help though.

I don't know how or if I should. Taking into account that I live in a small town, we don't have a lot of money, and I'm only fourteen. So I don't know how or what to do. Thank you for your time though.

Get counseling at school. Your smart, thus all the over thinking. Also take some Yoga or other mindful classes, if you can. Sports with help you feel better and work off all that pent up frustration. The situation your living with your family is probably stressful.

I agree with thunder

I can relate. I hate myself too. But I have found that giving myself credit for even the small things in life helps my self esteem. You are important and you are special. There is someone out there that can help you. You may not know it or believe it, but there is. Have faith in yourself, you will be surprised what you are capable of. It is harder said than done, but you are already on a good path with being able to recognize these feelings you have. At 14, I was definitely not as aware of my feelings as you. Kudos to you for being able to do what you do. Keep in mind though, that you are worth a lot and always will be no matter what. It is hard to do, no doubt. I have been living with depression for 11 years and it sucks butt. I have been depressed for the past two weeks with no will to live, until out of nowhere I had someone tell me how they appreciated me. That boosted me. There are people out there who love you and appreciate you. I appreciate the fact that you are on this site and being able to talk through things. I hope this talk helped. You are not alone. Things will get better.
Hang in there.

--Fancy