This is from another thread but I started a new one cause I didn't want to ask my question in the middle of their thread... There was a reply on their thread that said:

Is this true? The fantasizing about being abused part? Because for the longest time I did that and did not know why. It felt wrong to want that when so many have been through hell and would take it back if they could. Why would I want that? For example, I used to fantasize that my ex-therapist would drug me and take advantage of me, because of the power dynamic and he was older than me. I used to fantasize about being raped when I was a young kid but did not think anything of it. I don't have any memories or experiences of being abused either. Then when I was a teen I made up a story that I was raped. I am pretty certain it never happened but some parts of it could be real I guess. But I would really remember all that happened and I made it up. My memory is very unreliable but you would really remember something like this happening wouldn't you? So where would it come from? My ex-therapist said it made sense though, when I finally came clean about lying about it. I'm not sure what he meant by that either. Why would it have made sense? He didn't say anymore about what he meant by that.
Maybe I just don't remember? But I would remember, right? What the **** is wrong with me? Feel free to post all sorts of hateful things to me for feeling this way with all you have probably actually been through...