I could have written this myself. That's my exact problem. It sounds all fine and dandy until you actually have to do it. There have been a few times where I've been able to be vulnerable, but it's almost immediately followed by shame and feeling stupid. I was really vulnerable with my T once and the next week I couldn't look him in the eye...and then I wanted to straight up quit therapy. And we're always on good terms, so the fact that the switch can flip that suddenly is amazing and fascinating to me.

Not gonna lie...I hate the word vulnerability right now because it's so idealized when in reality it sucks. It's like handing someone a loaded gun and trusting them to not hurt you with it. But the hope is that I'll one day get past that. Luckily I have a brilliant T who I'm guessing has a lot of experience with this, because he's managed to challenge me in the midst of it without making me feel like a moron for feeling the way I do.