I also find DBT and CBT highly condescending and judgmental. For me recognizing thought patterns and trying to stop them isn't all that useful. I find that it is much more helpful to try and understand what feelings are causing me to act in a certain way, and then to try and look at the injury that is behind those feelings and to try and address it. To me therapy is all about trying to figure out how to really feel, and to let those feelings out. I find that when I start acting out it is usually because I'm triggered by something and I haven't been able to feel the deeper emotions behind it like sadness. I'm frequently defensive because I fear that others will judgement me for my emotions (as they did when I was growing up). I find it is helpful for me to learn when it is safe to emote, and to learn to calm down and do the emotional work that I really need.