I really appreciate your comments guys, it felt a lot better to at least get something out there.

I did speak to her last night about the situation, amongst just catching up as friends. I know how she feels about the guy, she said she hasn’t been this happy in a long time, so I’m happy for her. I have to be because I can’t begrudge her happiness. Sure it’s not the situation I want but I can handle it even if there are going to be a few bumpy steps along the way, I expect that.

I was honest with her and said that what sucks in this situation is that I see her as family, and its more than just romantic feelings, it’s the connection we had that was special and yes I feel like with another guy coming into the picture that it’s been taken away from me.

Maybe its part jealousy as well? I’m jealous that she has seemingly found that one thing I only really had with her, she said there was an instant connection with this guy, like she’d known him for years...and it kind of snowballed from there. Which is exactly what happened with us. I can’t count the times that I’ve had a letter from her or something like that, where she called me her soulmate and I think it was the last time we were together that she said she ‘KNEW!’ after all this time that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. But it dwindled, when it shouldn't have. I don’t shoulder all the blame but we were young and needed a lot of growing up, which has really only happened in the last year and ½ maybe? Its sort have become a thing with me of getting things straight to late.

It’s very difficult to imagine life without her, nor do I want to imagine a life where I am hanging on the maybe and what if’s? I'm trying to sort me out for me, to long have I been trying to do things for her, and when it doesn't happen I just end up disappointing her and giving myself that bad image of always making promises I don’t keep. Everything happens for a reason as they say.

If we’re meant to be, life will find a way, if not? I will use feeling to grow stronger and finally push myself to get my life together and finally make those changes I wanted, but for the right reasons.