So, I am still a mess....

Therapy going nowhere, new blisters from burning myself with matches at least a few times a week, ability to cope not improving by the day....

I thought I'd give up alcohol so I could try more clear headed thinking and perhaps prove to my long suffering therapist that I AM trying to make an effort...

But the less I drink (5.5 days alcohol free) the more I want to burn and I'm even considering trying cutting.....

Parts of my body are looking quite awful (my kids don't like it or I wouldn't even care) and I think I've done something bad to my wrist because it hurts constantly.. But I just want to hurt myself....

If I drink I am hungover and angrier and also risking all sorts of cancers from liver damage etc... Plus I get fatter, suffer Dehydration, poor sleep etc

So what's worse really???

Do I drink and try to stop burning which is less socially acceptable, or give up alcohol and be tortured even more by the need to burn??

FT