Which is worse? Drinking or burning?

So, I am still a mess....

Therapy going nowhere, new blisters from burning myself with matches at least a few times a week, ability to cope not improving by the day....

I thought I'd give up alcohol so I could try more clear headed thinking and perhaps prove to my long suffering therapist that I AM trying to make an effort...

But the less I drink (5.5 days alcohol free) the more I want to burn and I'm even considering trying cutting.....

Parts of my body are looking quite awful (my kids don't like it or I wouldn't even care) and I think I've done something bad to my wrist because it hurts constantly.. But I just want to hurt myself....

If I drink I am hungover and angrier and also risking all sorts of cancers from liver damage etc... Plus I get fatter, suffer Dehydration, poor sleep etc

So what's worse really???

Do I drink and try to stop burning which is less socially acceptable, or give up alcohol and be tortured even more by the need to burn??

FT

(((Falling Tears)))

I am sorry to hear that you are not travelling well.

It's really hard when you are in a position where you think Therapy isn't helping you progress forward.

I am glad that you have been sober for 5.5 days; that is really positive. I know it's hard; but I want to acknowledge this achievement. It takes strength to do this.

The situation is now you are left emotionally vulnerable.

So you're debating the safest of two options.

Both of them, in my opinion, can be just as destructive, for different reasons.

I would not really ethically be able to advice on a "worse" / "safer" one of the two as I really believe both of them can be damaging, physically and certainly emotionally. Which kind of sounds ironic as it can bring temporary relief.

Please hang in there.

It's easy to wonder which is less socially acceptable.

It's where your thoughts are at the moment.

I think that there should be more support groups for self harm. AA is so readily available but burning yourself can cause as much damage.

Hang in there.

both are as destructive as each other.

you are worth so much more than this pain; you deserve more. it helps me to think of my body as a temple. this quote also helps me:

"Your body is the house you grew up in. How dare you try to burn it to the ground."

I've been dealing with wanting to burn myself through distraction. Sometimes the distraction is just getting in bed and pulling the covers over my head.
I'm feeling calmer after a really intense week and now I'm really glad I didn't burn.

Maybe think about how you'll feel if you don't do it, think of a reward to give yourself for not doing it?

I don't drink really, luckily I just don't like alcohol or getting 'high' but I did consider having a drink or two when the desire to burn got more intense. I'm glad I didn't do that either because no matter how much I drink I seem to get a hangover and feel physically awful afterwards which doesn't help the mental part.

Hang in there
The desire WILL pass.

how are you doing today FallingTears?

Hi 8888an8888

Thanks for asking how I am. A day late with my reply! Better late than never.

If I get through today without alcohol it will be eleven days! Eleven days without alcohol but only 1.5 days without matches! Big sigh...

I discovered that if it is very cold and I sit by the window with the heating off in thin clothes like a T shirt that I can actually get way TOO cold, and if it's uncomfortable enough to make me shiver and shake, the urge to burn myself can be temporarily removed! (I discovered this purely by accident because I was too depressed to get off my bed!) I wonder if it works like the sticking ice cubes on yr skin theory?? ... It worked today although the under the covers idea above seems more attractive!

I think living with myself for eleven days has been long enough so I'm not sure if I'll get to day 12.

Regards

FT