I am concerned about the purchase of the boat.....you do know that even in California...if you are married....all debt is split between the H & wife & whether you signed for it or not.....you are responsible for 1/2 of that debt also because you aren't legally separated. I left my H almost 8 years ago now & he did some really stupid financial things after I left.....I live out of state & I am the one filing for divorce & he's not claiming that I owe any of the debt that he has accumulated over those years.....but honestly, it sounds like you are the one that would be better off leaving him....it doesn't sound like it has anything to do with the bills & maybe not even specifically a breakdown....but maybe he wants his freedom to do whatever he pleases & that was just an excuse of a way to get you out. He definitely sounds way too unstable to be a responsible H to you.

UGH....I had no idea for all the 33 years what was really wrong in my marriage....I knew there were a lot of things that didn't make sense & he was always so immature for being a computer engineer (we both had computer engineering careers)....but there was something so dysfunctional about him but I couldn't put my finger on it until after I left & started researching Asperger's.....his Dx of adult ADD just didn't explain all the problems I was having with him all those years. It wasn't until reading about Asperger's that it hit 100% of explaining everything I had been dealing with all those years.

Difficult because I had grown up with totally dysfunctional parents.....so it was no wonder why my mother liked him so much but there were serious personality issues even before we were married that had been red flags that I was talked out of acknowledging & stopping the wedding like I had wanted to.

Marriages are hard enough when both people don't bring problems into the marriage. I totally believe in not taking marriage vows lightly....but there are times when OUT is the only direction that is left.

Look at the big picture & the future & grasp as much as you can out of what little communication you get out of him....but it doesn't sound good IMO after the 33 years I wasted in a bad marriage...I wouldn't wish that on anyone.