Non Speaking Husband

So your marriage started out with him deceiving you???!!!!!


Yikes, this man just keeps getting better and better, what a great catch! *sarcasm


Wow, seriously, idk what to say to you, I just feel so badly for you because you're only really starting to get to know your husband now, and he's not a particularly nice character.


I hope you figure things out soon, ace your masters and live the kind of life you deserve.

Six years I known him (so I thought) at what point do you know you spouse? I know it can take some years but mine keeps getting better.

At what point?

Whenever they're ready to reveal themselves....


If we're lucky, that's before we say I do, or at least quite early on in the relationship.


If not, well we either have a situation like yours, or the one I found myself in a few years back.


Dated a guy for 5 years, he was mostly on his best behavior, but little did I know I was being groomed to be his designated punching bag.


So yeah, we know them when they allow us to get to know them....

At what point? Hopefully before you get married.

I didn't know my ex that well either, we married after only few months of dating. Then discovered we had nothing in common. Luckily he isn't a jerk, just a bad Match.
Years ago women had to stay married no matter what. Now you can leave



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Like I mentioned before. At what point do you really know your husband. Four years I thought I knew him. At six years I have no idea who this man really is. Its a very sad situation. I wouldn't of thought this but it happened and now I'm doing what I think is best.

Getting closer to a couple of months. I'm not even sad anymore. I'm so mad right now. He hasn't done anything but I'm mad at what he put me through.

I am concerned about the purchase of the boat.....you do know that even in California...if you are married....all debt is split between the H & wife & whether you signed for it or not.....you are responsible for 1/2 of that debt also because you aren't legally separated. I left my H almost 8 years ago now & he did some really stupid financial things after I left.....I live out of state & I am the one filing for divorce & he's not claiming that I owe any of the debt that he has accumulated over those years.....but honestly, it sounds like you are the one that would be better off leaving him....it doesn't sound like it has anything to do with the bills & maybe not even specifically a breakdown....but maybe he wants his freedom to do whatever he pleases & that was just an excuse of a way to get you out. He definitely sounds way too unstable to be a responsible H to you.

UGH....I had no idea for all the 33 years what was really wrong in my marriage....I knew there were a lot of things that didn't make sense & he was always so immature for being a computer engineer (we both had computer engineering careers)....but there was something so dysfunctional about him but I couldn't put my finger on it until after I left & started researching Asperger's.....his Dx of adult ADD just didn't explain all the problems I was having with him all those years. It wasn't until reading about Asperger's that it hit 100% of explaining everything I had been dealing with all those years.

Difficult because I had grown up with totally dysfunctional parents.....so it was no wonder why my mother liked him so much but there were serious personality issues even before we were married that had been red flags that I was talked out of acknowledging & stopping the wedding like I had wanted to.

Marriages are hard enough when both people don't bring problems into the marriage. I totally believe in not taking marriage vows lightly....but there are times when OUT is the only direction that is left.

Look at the big picture & the future & grasp as much as you can out of what little communication you get out of him....but it doesn't sound good IMO after the 33 years I wasted in a bad marriage...I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I am at a loss, but battling my own depression and health issues can help me relate to your husband a bit. I often feel overwhelmed by life and although I have never blamed my bf I can see how it would be easy to do that.

I would take time yourself to really think about this situation. Perhaps he is just feeling so much pressure to pay the bills and is catastrophizing things making it really easy to place blame on you.

Now is the time to ask yourself what it is YOU want as well. Loving someone who might lash out at you when things go bad is a reality you have to ask yourself if you are willing to deal with. Can you accept this again when/if things get tough for your husband in the future.

When a person shows you who they are and how they handle things it is important to believe them. That doesn't mean that you have end things. It might just mean that you reaffirm your love for your husband and stand by him no matter what.

I hope things get easier for you. Please keep posting as I know his is hard and probably very unsettling for you.

Immature? He's five years older than me. lol
He has a temper when things don't go his way. Well he didn't get his way so he threw a tantrum for over a month. I am so embarrassed to think anyone can do this to someone they love and care about. Now he is fine but I am not fine. He wont apologize or even discussed what has happened so that I can shut the door to that horrible month and put it behind me. NO! Not him. He has picked up where we left off and is happy as can be.
Will it happen again? Of course it will.

While there may be a correlation between age and maturity, I can think up countless examples of people who are way more mature for their age. The reverse is also true.

Maturity often has nothing to do with age

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Things were going good. Since I worked this weekend he went to his moms second home with his friends. I didn't hear from him all weekend. He came home yesterday. Came in said hi how are you and went to to the garage. He finally got the lawn mower out to cut the grass. When he came in he didn't talk. I just can't seem to get through to him. Monday-Friday he's my husband (he acts like he is) then on the weekend I can't get a response from him. Is it that time to let him go??

That question has been addressed by numerous members on this very thread, stating what we ourselves would do in your shoes.


But at the end of the day, it comes down to what you want, what you decide. It's not up to us to make such huge decisions for you.


This is your life, take control of it.

What kind of husband doesn't contact his wife all weekend?

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Friday night he was texting me. Saturday I sent a text. Never heard from him until he came home. He's back into the beginning of this saying its all my fault. I'm not reading for divorce but.....

He might be cheating or just doesn't wAnt to be married anymore.

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I've been asking him if he wants a divorce. He says no. I asked if he wanted to separate and date other people. He said no. I asked if he found someone else. No!!He is stubborn. This is all based on him being extremely stubborn. This is what are marriage has been based on for the last two month. Because I didn't make dinner everyday he doesn't know if he still wants to be married to me. he claims I made him feel worthless but I never said that. He picked "worthless" and labled himself. That never came out of my mouth.

Something is going on in his life that he is unhappy about. I suspect it may have something to do with that job of his where he is working for his family.

At this point it doesn't matter what he wants. It is bothersome that YOU don't know what YOU want.

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Both of you sound like very indecisive people. Reading this is so confusing and frustrating (no offense) so I can't imagine what living it must be like.


You don't know if you want to leave or stay, your husband acts like he's not interested in being married, but neither of u have the guts to end this sham of a marriage...


He does things that makes you miserable, you in turn ask us what you should do, should u leave? we tell you what we think, then you ask your husband if HE wants to split, he says no but acts like yes, and so you stay, and become even more miserable.


Again, what about what you want?


Seems both of you want out of this marriage but neither are willing to be the one to call it quits. He pretends he's willing to be married and faithful, and you in turn keep asking him what he wants, instead of acting on what you want.


Aren't you tired of all this BS?

Aren't you ready to take control of your own life instead of leaving its fate in the hands of your husbands whims?


Idk, just seems like a messed up pointless merry go round.


Sorry, I have a habit of being blunt but I honestly mean no harm.

I am pretty sure he doesn't want to be married anymore. He wants you to take a responsibility. You gave a chance and nothing improved so think if you like this kind of life

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It's about 80% job and about 20% me. Me because I didnt make dinner everyday. I made him feel worthless. His words not mine. He labeled himself I didnt. He is SO stubborn I dont know how to get him to understand he labeled himself not me.

I never thought I would live like this especially after being married. Do I love him? Yes I do. I love the man I married. Do I love person that is acting this way? No. Its been two months and I giving him a little time to see if he will get some therapy. That's why I keep coming back to ask questions and get answers from the outside.

Blunt is great. No offence taken at all. He is still angry at me for not making dinner like I stated in the beginning of all this mess. He is fine during the week then since I have worked on the weekends he goes off with his 21 year old buddy.
NO! I do not like living like this. I hate it. Yes I love this man if he would come back to the same man I married 2 years ago.

Its about 80% job and 20% me for not cooking the dinner back when this started. He claims when we got married I was supposed to automatically know to do all the wife duties 7 days a week. I would only cook about 3 days a week.

I guess Im just not understanding how I could be the blame for all this and for this long. Im shocked thinking he will wake up one day and say sorry.