why does my "need" to talk about and process this stuff intensify when I'm at a safe distance? I really want to talk about this *now* because I am in touch with it, but I won't be seeing you for a week. why can't I be in touch with it when I am there and have the time to talk to you? why is it so hard to address in person?
now that the door is open though, I'm sure it will remain open until the moment I go back for session... then defenses fly back into place and I won't know hoo to talk about this. I won't be able to give you when I wrote out. It will all feel stupid and far away...
will this ever get easier?
I wish I wasn't losing you soon (even though this time limit is my own). I wish I could keep one safe person in my life. (yeah, wife is safe, but you are trained to be safe, so I have some more faith in you being that way more consistently than I do her)...