Same here, for 3 years he's been all I have, even though I don't and never will have him.

I'm not good at all right now. But I'll keep to the topic. I met someone I liked at the weekend, he's taken so I respect that, but I hope we can be friends and hang out, plus I won't have the pressure of trying to "make" him like me, So I'll be more relaxed. Its good, but it's shown me that I want, no I need, to have a "real" life again. This guy is in my country, I can meet him for more than half a second, I dont have to pay to meet him, he knows I exist, he seems to care that I exist, i can hug him, etc. I know where I stand so its fine, maybe I'll even meet someone through him. Who knows? I just cant keep spending all day every day just looking at pics of someone who doesnt know or care less about me. Its not his fault but its hurtful. I know I liked him so he cant hurt me, but Im just so fed up, and having to share him with half the world. I cant date anyway cos Im too messed up and selfish, so its fine that the new guy is just a friend. Thats what Im used to anyway, my whole life, the people I like just being friends. No one wants me, i dont blame them.

There was also a hot female nurse in the show, just when I thought I was over liking girls lol. I almost got to meet her but she wasnt well. But todday I found out theres a vote coming up for same sex marriage. And my mam is voting against it. I know im sensitive but im really upset right now. I mean basically, if i ever like a girl again, i wont have her support. I just cant understand why it would matter. Im gutted, i had to leave the room earlier cos i couldnt even sit with her. I cant live with her anymore either, for other reasons too. I feel physically sick from it. I just, i cant. I dont know what to do.

How are you doing though? Im sorry Im upset.