How to stop obsessing over someone. Please help me.

Same here, for 3 years he's been all I have, even though I don't and never will have him.

I'm not good at all right now. But I'll keep to the topic. I met someone I liked at the weekend, he's taken so I respect that, but I hope we can be friends and hang out, plus I won't have the pressure of trying to "make" him like me, So I'll be more relaxed. Its good, but it's shown me that I want, no I need, to have a "real" life again. This guy is in my country, I can meet him for more than half a second, I dont have to pay to meet him, he knows I exist, he seems to care that I exist, i can hug him, etc. I know where I stand so its fine, maybe I'll even meet someone through him. Who knows? I just cant keep spending all day every day just looking at pics of someone who doesnt know or care less about me. Its not his fault but its hurtful. I know I liked him so he cant hurt me, but Im just so fed up, and having to share him with half the world. I cant date anyway cos Im too messed up and selfish, so its fine that the new guy is just a friend. Thats what Im used to anyway, my whole life, the people I like just being friends. No one wants me, i dont blame them.

There was also a hot female nurse in the show, just when I thought I was over liking girls lol. I almost got to meet her but she wasnt well. But todday I found out theres a vote coming up for same sex marriage. And my mam is voting against it. I know im sensitive but im really upset right now. I mean basically, if i ever like a girl again, i wont have her support. I just cant understand why it would matter. Im gutted, i had to leave the room earlier cos i couldnt even sit with her. I cant live with her anymore either, for other reasons too. I feel physically sick from it. I just, i cant. I dont know what to do.

How are you doing though? Im sorry Im upset.

Hey thanks for commenting!

Im sorry to hear all of this.. but glad that you found someone you might can hang out with and so! That would be great right? It might help you stop obsessing over bill.

Youve been with girls before? Sad to hear about your moms opinion against gay people.. im as gay as you can be but my family is also against it. Sucks! take care. X

How are u guys doing xx

hey how are you? I was out last weekend but that guy wasn't here, I've been following his band online though cos they had a new music video out last week. It would be nice but also upsetting to see him again, cos he's taken. I should be going out again in a few weeks though. I went with some people from a meetup group online, including a Tokio Hotel fan I met last year through the site I had for them.

Yes I've liked girls but I've only ever kissed a few, and that was years ago. I haven't had any chance to since, I'm still confused really lol, I just like whoever I like I guess. I loved two girls (just from online) and it didn't work out too well, both of them tried to kill themselves because of me...I'm just poison, I shouldn't even go near people.

I'm pretty sure I'm in love with a gay man. Again. I don't care except it kind of sucks for me, oh well. Not as though I ever had a chance anyway. I still love him, to bits. I always like the gay ones lol. You have to laugh.

hayy sounds tough! falling in love with a gay man isn't the best idea hah. sad to hear about the girls who tried to kill themselves! but they can never accuse you for being suicidal, thats their own problem. hows the daydreaming going?

Its ok but I'm sick of hearing how gay he is. Yes, I know that, I don't need reminding every 2 seconds. Not that I care or it makes any difference, I just want him to be happy but he's had his heart broken badly and I just want to kill that person for that. I'm always way over protective over him anyway, so hearing that broke me heart too. My poor baby...

I was posting some girls I like just now (actresses and a singer) see the problem isn't him being gay and them not being gay (though that's typical lol) the problem is I love people who I don't even know. It's easier not to get hurt that way, plus I basically don't know anyone anyway. I don't know, it all seems pointless sometimes, that I'm always alone at the end of the day. But oh well, it's just life.

How about you?

its hard to love someone when you know it will never be something right?,:[

I did not daydream/think alot about her for a week. But now i really want to get through all this and dont want to relapse. The last time i tried i managed to stop daydreaming for 11 days. Then i relapsed. But im going to fight for it.

Well i kinda had a breakdown but no daydreams or anything for 8 days..

Hey I'm sorry, it never said there was a new post here. I'm so sorry you had a breakdown. Did you get any treatment at all for that? How are you doing now?

I like someone now and she likes me too but she literally couldn't live further away from me. She wants to like flirt and stuff when we talk and its nice but I'm just wary of letting my heart get anymore involved cos I know what will happen, I'll get all my hopes up and then she'll meet someone else and I'll be left heartbroken. I'm not blaming her, I mean anyone would be better than me plus we're realistically never going to meet, so what's the point? But I feel bad to say we shouldn't talk like that but its just going to end badly if we do, I know that.

Then that vote thing is tomorrow and I'm so nervous. I'm still heartbroken about my mam voting no. I thought of just telling her tonight, but our cat was taken into the vet overnight so I dont want to upset her further. Even though I'm upset. Id rather just die than tell her cos she will hate me. I dont even care anymore, we used to be so close but now I know I cant rely on her, I'm on my own in this world. I want to move out but Id need money to do that, and I actually owe her a load of money so theres no chance. Plus all the vets fees. I'm just so tired and stressed and worried and this is probably the wrong place to write all this but there are so many forums here I don't know where to post, and at least I kind of know you. Im wary of talking because i've been told not to talk about my problems and im wary about forums cos of an incident on another site, and the person involved is still there.

Plus my best friend hates me and I'm convinced she's lying to me, about everything. And my ex just got married. I'm trying so hard to stay alive, even that possible escape has been taken from me cos I was told how selfish I'd be, and I don't want to be remembered that way. But maybe if people noticed what was right in front of them. I don't know. I don't want this, I don't want to be here.And I'm so selfish writing this when you have enough problems. My name is a joke now because I'm not brave, at all.

Hi again. It's bad news about my cat, he hasn't long left. Thinking of Bill and of when I met TH is the only thing keeping me going right now. And you know I was thinking how different it is. Usually when I'm obsessed with someone I'm depressed cos I can't have them, and I just want to get over it. But with Bill, he just makes me feel so happy and I never want to stop loving him ever. It's good. And the vote for marriage equality was passed so that was some good news. It was crazy, worst news ever one day followed by that, best news ever the next day. Anyway, I just woke up and I'm not sure how I feel but I have to try and be strong for everyone. My little friend is leaving

For most of my life, when a relationship ended, primarily romantic ones, it took me a long time to recover, obsessing for ....years, yes, years! I truly wasted a lot of my life, precious time, obsessing, going over and over the causes, etc., for my perceived failure.
I don't know if you are on any type of medication, but, for me, an antidepressant was the cure. I have the tendency to obsess, if not over someone, then most anything else that comes to mind. My family physician is very attuned to my natures, and keeps a tab on my tendency to obsess. The medication helps me greatly. There really is no sane reason for you to be obsessing about this teacher of 2.5 years ago. I, personally, am not a big fan of therapy....been there, done that. Talk, talk, talk, and not finding solutions. Medication was the cure for me. Check on that.

Well I've been on anti-depressants for 12 years and anti-psychotics 11 years. The only thing that works for me is finding someone or something new to obsess over. So, not actually curing it, just moving it onto something else. Ugh, I don't know anymore. I feel now like I'll never date or even like anyone again, cos I'm already in love. I just don't actually know the person...and I'm not exactly young either. I'm too old for this but I don't care. It's not like anyone is ever going to want to date me anyway, at least I have an excuse of sorts with this.

Heyy im sorry for the late reply. So sorry to hear about your cat thats really sad. Animals can give so much love and you can get such an amazing relationship with them. Its always hard to see them go. Have you talked to your best friend already? Hang in there, stay strong please x♥

hey thanks alot for your answer!!

im doing pretty well right now, have not been obsessing/daydreaming for more than 2 weeks, never made it this long. im glad medication helped you.

oh y god i just came home i am shaking , i dont knoe what to do. I just saw her in the mall, i saw her first and i wanted to walk away but she saw me and she came to me, hugged me and was so happy

she said im so happy to see you after such a long time how are you doing, i thought i died my heart is beting like crazy . i almost cried but handled myswlf. i am totally overwhelmed. so i couldnt breathe.

i cant even beleive this is real, i cant even type. i am so shocked and i dont knoe what to do

literally shaking she just hugged me
i am crying so hard now i cant evne see the screen idont know what to do i feel horrible

i was doing so good with the not obsesing and all that and now its all ruined

Oh wow look at this as a good thing her being happy to see you!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Oh wow, how are you doing now? Hoping you'll be ok. Not that it helps hut I wish I could just run into Bill and have him hug me. I almost had a meltdown on his page last night, his fans are f**king crazy. I'm so sick of seeing them talk about what his sexuality may or may not be. All day every day. Like it matters. I dont care once he's happy. He even said himself gender doesnt matter, if they cant figure out what that means then thats their problem. I wish they would just mind their own business for once though. Its not like we need to know his sexuality to be a fan and enjoy his music. As he said himself, the question we should be asking, is why is this so important?

Sorry anyway to talk about me, I'm ok now anyway, I just wish he was here with me. I hope you'll be ok x

@bebrave @divine1966

thank you sweethearts!! i´m still in shock but i´m also kinda happy.. she just hugged me! i am overwhelmed but it kinda feels good haha.but now i dont want to fall back into the obsessing and all. she said she want to email more often, we now email like 2 times a yr. but i dont want it because it will make my obsession worse. but omg, i still cant believe it.. sooo overwhelmed

@bebrave i get that! people should stop whining about peoples sexuality for gods sake.. how are you doing babe? you´re really good? xo

Elin95, you are so brave for sharing your story and for asking for help.
I've read through the comments. Filling your time with activities and hobbies are all positive solutions.
The thing is, these hobbies only distract you and don't solve the problem. Your obsession for this Teacher distracts you from you, to the point that you're not you without her in your life. She is almost like a life-preserver. Without her, you will sink. (this is my impression)
If you'll let me, I'd like to offer a suggestion. This would be incredibly hard, devastating, but it would put a very real wall between fantasy and reality. This could be the start to a new life, that would include :focusing on you, exploring your options, interests, likes/dislikes and future. Okay here it is...what if you emailed your Teacher? Thank her for being kind, intuitive and helpful. You will never forget her kindness... Then, delicately explain that you care for her, but you need to stop emailing and all contact. You can tell as much or as little as you want, but end it with, "Even if I email, please do not respond." (You might want to leave out the thoughts of suicide. This could bring on negative attention.)
This would force the attachment to come to a halt. I realize what I'm suggesting would be incredibly hard for anyone, but you have demonstrated in your comments, a willingness to get better and longing for this to end.
Your safety and wellbeing come first, so I don't want to suggest anything that would cause you to do physical harm to yourself.
Sending you love and light. Follow your intuition.

Hi seekingperspective, thank you so much for your nice answer!! That actually sounds like a pretty good idea. She is very open minded so i dont think she will find it strange. Im going to think about what to write in the email, want to write a good one and not in a hurry. Thank you so!! X

I disagree about removing her from your life. Here is a person who has loved you more than anyone else. Why would you want to take away that love? She obviously still cares a lot about you.

She could play a role in your life, a very important role, but that role needs to be managed.

My suggestion is to relate to these thoughts in a different way. Rather than hating them and trying to drive them away, my suggestion is to simply acknowledge their presence, and examine them. For example, you could say to yourself:

I do not consider you or these thoughts to be sick or anything else that you have called yourself. I think of them more as transference, akin to the transference that people sometimes have for their therapist. This could be maternal transference, it could be erotic transference. It is a normal phenomenon that just needs to be managed.

With regard to daydreaming: have you done any meditation or mindfulness work? In meditation, the mind inevitably wanders. The solution is to bring the mind back without judging yourself. So if you find yourself daydreaming about her, simply bring your mind back to whatever you were doing without judging yourself. Simply say daydreaming and go back to what you were doing.

Stop judging yourself for caring about someone who gave you more love than anyone else. Instead, simply acknowledge It makes sense that I think about her, she was and is so good to me.

This is a very insightful comment, as is the following one:

What could be done to improve your life, such that daydreaming about her feels less needed?

ETA: I think the goal is not to destroy the thoughts but to see them gradually fade away as you come to grant them nonjudgmental acknowledgement, come to understand their function in your life, and come to improve your life overall.

Thank you so much for you answer Bill!

Really appreciate your advice. I´m glad that you are saying that this isn´t sick or crazy. Because I feel like a complete idiot sometimes.

I never actually did meditation! I´ve heared that there are some vids on youtube that are about meditation and that can help you with it. Do you think these vids on youtube will work or should i buy something?

i have a very lonely life, no friends, i´m doing a study but my classmates and I don´t connect. i´m very isolated. social anxiety..so that´s basically my life..

thanks again! i´ll really try to follow your advice

+++

i´m still so hyper about meeting her yesterday. it was the first time in three years that i saw her.. and she hugged me, insane..

Than k you so much for your reply and kind words.

(((((elin95)))))

You do not need to buy anything to start meditation.

A good place to start is here:

Free Guided Meditations | UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center

Start with the five-minute breathing meditation.

I'm glad that you saw her and that she showed you that she still cares about you! What is your current thinking and feeling about having seen her?

Thanks alot for the link Bill! i´m going to try it tonight! maybe i can also use it when i get panic attacks

Maybe i should tell a little more about yesterday. I was in the mall because I had to buy some stuff. every time I go to the mall I´m afraid because I might see her, since she lives pretty close to me.. like 10 minutes away with the car and she goes to that mall often. But i can´t avoid the mall since there is no other mall around, or i have to take the train to a place far away

so i was walking and then i saw her, i looked closer because sometimes I think I see her and then it´s not her. but i saw it was her and my heart dropped, instant panic feelings. started sweating.

I turned around and tried to walk away, praying that she wouldn´t see me. But then she said my name and I almost died. I could not breath. She came to me and hugged me, and for a moment I thought this is not real. It´s a dream. She said that she was so glad to see me, that she was wondering how i´m doing and how good i was looking. I was impressed by myself, that I could still talk normal while my heart was racing and I almost started crying.

But i was completely overwhelmed. She said that she wants to email more often and that she sometimes talk to students in class who have bad grades due laziness. I had bad grades but turned it around the last year and had amazing grades, just because i wanted to make her happy. She says im an example for kids who struggle with their grades. I was so glad to hear that she still think of me.

When i came home i cried, i cried so hard and i was shaking, couldn´t breath. But now i feel really happy that i have seen her, but also sad because now she´s totally in my mind again. And i tried to block her out of my mind sooooo hard sorry if it´s too long and if my english sucks. x

Your English is perfectly fine.

Thank you for your response. It is not too long.

It sounds like it was wonderful to see her, and to know how she still knows and cares about you. Are you saying that you tried to block her out of your mind yesterday/today, after seeing her?