I was diagnosed with bipolar recently but realized I have had the condition for several decades now. I have what seems like the perfect life as I have a terminal degree in the field of biochemistry, a wife, three kids, and a well paying job. Yet this condition is eroding every relationship that makes all or these things possible. I liken it to spending all day on a sand castle only to watching the tide slowly carry away what I have built.

Within the past several months, I have been having extremely depressive thoughts such as suicide and self-worthlessness and have gone as far as hurt myself. Within that same period, I have stayed up for 48 hours straight, thought that it would be a good idea to drive 6 hours after staying up those 48 hours, and been so irritable that I have been belligerent to my wife and kids nearly all the time.

I am at the point where my wife cannot stand my behavior or being around me. I don't want my kids to turn out like me...I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I know that I need to change but do not feel empowered to do so. Medication and counseling have helped, but I cannot seem to created lasting change.

Thanks for listening to my rambling thoughts. Please share you experiences on what has worked for you in managing the disease.