If you have the time...

I was diagnosed with bipolar recently but realized I have had the condition for several decades now. I have what seems like the perfect life as I have a terminal degree in the field of biochemistry, a wife, three kids, and a well paying job. Yet this condition is eroding every relationship that makes all or these things possible. I liken it to spending all day on a sand castle only to watching the tide slowly carry away what I have built.

Within the past several months, I have been having extremely depressive thoughts such as suicide and self-worthlessness and have gone as far as hurt myself. Within that same period, I have stayed up for 48 hours straight, thought that it would be a good idea to drive 6 hours after staying up those 48 hours, and been so irritable that I have been belligerent to my wife and kids nearly all the time.

I am at the point where my wife cannot stand my behavior or being around me. I don't want my kids to turn out like me...I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I know that I need to change but do not feel empowered to do so. Medication and counseling have helped, but I cannot seem to created lasting change.

Thanks for listening to my rambling thoughts. Please share you experiences on what has worked for you in managing the disease.

Welcome to the forum. I can relate to your story. I have lost a decent carreer, a good pay-check, marriage and a lot of friends. I don`t know if I have any great advice, only what has worked for me. Basically medication, theraphy and trying as hard as I can to have a diet and a lifestyle that doesn`t make my BP worse. (The last is really hard!)But here it comes; one piece of advice. Have you had your wife come with you to a session with the person who is treating you (doc, psychiatrist etc)? That might help her in dealing with your symptoms. And also, could family theraphy be an option?

What has helped?

Finding the right cocktail of meds that helped the symptoms, but did so without negative side effects.

A therapist who helped me understand the beginnings of episodes and how to curtail the negative consequences by early awareness.

PC, coming here and realizing that my symptoms were not the enemy, evil or abnormal for Bipolar. Finding out much of what I have experienced, so have others here.

Getting a diagnosis after having lived with the symptoms for a long times probably means you've developed some maladaptive coping methods. It's going to take time to find better coping methods, give yourself time and ask your wife and kids( depending on the ages) to help. Find out about family therapy but also keep up with the individual therapy.

So sorry you're having such a hard time.

Are meds and therapy helping at all?

lamictal, good sleep hygene, keeping as strict a schedule as possible, and tons of vit D.... loving family really helps the most...

Medication, therapy, and strict sleep hygiene (a schedule where you go to bed and get up at the same times every day) are what get me by, and in a decent way most of the time. Some people use diet and exercise, unfortunately my willpower is seriously lacking and I'm disciplined in other areas of my life, so I don't beat myself up too much about it.

Try not to get too down on yourself; this disease is hard enough on us without us beating ourselves up. I hope you get on some good meds and have a good working relationship with a psychiatrist and therapist. Best wishes for you as you work to figure things out. (((HUGS)))