Quote:
Originally Posted by Mapper
Oh I pretty much support myself now. I have savings (had a lot more before I met him) and I have worked since I was 18. I stayed with my mom until I was 27, not for money or a roof over my head, but because she didn't want me to leave. I wanted to move out with a friend the year after I graduated college but my mom found every reason for me not to move out saying "Oh I thought you wanted your own apartment?" and " I don't know if you'd get along with her". Just anything to get me not to move and if I did I'd get the silent treatment.
Right now I'd say every month I pay 90% of all the bills because he can't help out.
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The pattern with your mother controlling your actions has continued into your marriage. I thiink you know that but I really hope you find your independence and your own "voice" whether it be on your own or in the marriage, I know for a fact you'll be 100x happier. the hard part is to break your habitual thinking patterns and behaviors of going along with others. It's not a bad trait to be one that goes with the flow. In it's good form, you're the type of person that is easier to get along with and kind of works well with many types of people but as it's weakness, it can turn into being a person that has no "voice" and one that never gets what he/she wants, and tends to get walked all over. I would say that you dont' want to lose your ability to be flexible with others but learn to assert yourself, acknowledge and vocalize your own needs and be able to stand firm in those things. I hate to use the phrase "push back" but it's really pretty accurate. In the situation you are in though, you don't push at all, only back up more and more. your relationship could absolutely use a bit of pushing back right about now.
I do think therapy for you (and him if he's willing) would be great but if you're already in therapy, I honestly think that maybe bringing up this subject that I've mentioned and how to deal with it would be helpful
