You are definitely going through a lot of changes right now, and things are beyond stressful for you. My husband was unemployed for a few months, so I can only imagine the stress of your husband going to school and having to take care of kids to boot.

Could you maybe explain a little bit more about what your husband is doing? What is he going to school for? What are these jobs that he qualifies for but are unable to get? Is it possible for him to get a for-credit internship or apprenticeship of some sort? These may be paid positions, but they also might not be. Even if it's not paid, there is a lot of value in an unpaid internship: you're learning new skills, building up your resume, and making connections. These are all important steps for getting a job. How are his grades? Is he spending a lot of time in class or doing homework? How is he spending his time? Did you guys make the decision for him to go back to school together, or was this something he decided to do without consulting you first?

Keeping in mind I don't know all the facts, I'm a little concerned about your desire for him to simply get a job. I understand your perspective, but at the same time, I'm concerned that you're only thinking about the short term. If he just goes back to working 12-14 hours a day, it solves the immediate problem, but what does it do long term? If he's working 12-14 hours a day at a job he doesn't like, he's going to get burned out and lose his job anyway, not to mention not having any time to spend with his family. Without an education, he might not be able to get promotions.

I agree, your husband has made some poor choices regarding the issues with the car. I'm sure they boil down to "I wasn't thinking" (the most infuriating response ever). But I'm also concerned that you're not communicating with your husband. You've been so focused on taking care of your family that you've put yourself aside. And now all of the emotions that you kept inside are coming out. I think at this point you can't worry about stressing your husband out. You need to have a heart to heart conversation with him and explain the status of your finances, explain your hurt and anger, and start brainstorming ways to get through this together. Use "I" statements to make your point ("I feel X when you do Y because of Z"), avoid blaming or attacking. The two of you are a team. If he's not doing well in school or not trying his hardest, then maybe, yeah, he should stop going to school and get a job. But if he's doing well, working hard, and it could lead to a big pay bump in the future, then maybe the two of you can figure out a way to get him through school without sacrificing your sanity. Maybe he can drop down to part time status as a student and get a part time job in the field he wants to get into.

I promise I'm not trying to attack you or take his side. Your feelings and concerns are more than justified. But you said it yourself; he just wants to make things better for you and your family. I really believe you two can get through this; the first step is to be honest and start talking with him. Good luck!