Husband problems...

I guess I just need to vent. There have been a lot of things going on and I'm not happy with them. I don't expect or really need anyone to read this, but I want it out there somewhere for some sense of therapy since I don't have anyone to talk to about these things anymore.

My husband is going back to school, and quit his job in December, so I've been the only one working for the last five months. I know my husband is just trying to make things better for our family and for himself in the long run, but it's been really stressful for me being the only source of income and bills just keep piling up. My husband is, at times, very oblivious to important things like expired tags and missing insurance cards and the stupidest things that end up getting him into trouble with traffic tickets and stupid things like that. Things that could totally be avoidable. I've been putting off being angry and hurt for a long time and it's starting to get to me.

Back in December, right before he quit his job, he got a ticket because it was getting dark and he didn't have his lights on. Of all things. Then, while they had him pulled over, they asked for registration and proof of insurance, which he had never gotten from his dad, who had been letting us borrow the car he was driving at the time. So he got a ticket for no lights and no insurance, and had a court date. He missed the court date, and they put a warrant out for his arrest. We go to court, wait all day for him to be seen, then find out that thankfully he didn't get jail time, we paid a fine of $375, and his suspended license would be reinstated. Well, it never was. This was back in February that we went to court.

A couple weeks ago, he gets pulled over because the tags on our car were expired, and we found out his license was never reinstated. We thought it was a clerical error, but it wasn't, and he was supposed to go get it reinstated at the DMV, which he hadn't. So that is another $350 down the drain.

He hasn't gotten himself a job, even after I've begged him to get one to help out. He is enrolled in school, but he took forever to turn in a request from child care assistance but I suppose that's not his fault because they needed proof that he was going to be going to school. He has applied for financial aid, but he hasn't written up a petition to show that he's not going to blow it this time, which is necessary for him to received ANY financial aid, and we aren't going to be able to afford school for him AND our two kids on just my income.

Oh, and did I mention we're moving at the end of the month and don't have an extra $350 to spare for him not getting new tags for the car or making sure his license had been reinstated? Oh, and that the house we're moving to is in the next town over and is an extra $175 a month for rent? PLUS the $400 deposit to move in?

But at least we have a car we can sell to cover $600 of moving expenses, and my husband has a bunch of cards that he could be selling for a lot of money (even though he kind of isn't...) so...we should be able to get it together, right? Right???

I'm really stressing out about this. We have to fill out the application for the kids to go to school this fall by May 28, but in order to do that the request for childcare assistance has to go through, and I don't know how long that's going to take, IF we get approved.

I haven't been letting him or the kids know how much I've been stressing out, but I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to about it, because I have little to no friends and I don't want to stress out my husband, but at the same time I want him to be just as stressed as I am so that he'll get up and DO something about it instead of just...not. He says he's going to check on the status of our childcare application today, but...

I just want him to go back to work so we don't have to worry about money anymore. We were doing so well before he quit. I had been working at a nice new job for six months and making good money, and he had been working a lot of hours and hardly had time to be home, but at least we weren't worried about money. And now, the jobs he currently qualifies for are unobtainable because of his driving record. They'd be perfect jobs for him, nice 8 to 5 jobs with good pay and a company vehicle, but no, he can't apply because he's had a suspended license.

I know a lot of this just sounds like whining but I'm spent. I'm tired and stressed and just want to sleep for a week, but of course we can't afford me even being sick, never mind taking a vacation, haha. Ugh...

I'm just so tired...

If you read all of this, thanks, I guess. I don't really want advice or anything, because it's just going to make me stress out more. But thanks for reading if you got this far.

Ok, no advice.
Will say you are a saint.
I could not tolerate the irresponsibly.

Do you mean "is going" as in will be going back to school? Or do you mean he has gone back to school?

If he hasn't started school yet, there is NO reason for him to have quit his job 5 months ago, right?

He does sound a bit irresponsible, and that level of dysfunction would personally drive me nuts.

You're a saint, I could not do what you're doing AND NOT throw a nuclear fit.


Your hubz doesn't know how damn lucky he is to have you.

Most people work AND go to school (unless we are talking medical school).

This wouldn't work for me. I am not supporting able bodied adults who make bad choices. I currently work two jobs to be able to pay bills no way I'd work that hard and support someone who doesn't work. That's just me. . Now other women might be ok with it. A colleague of mine just married this dude who hasn't had a job since 2013, no reason. Still married and had a big wedding, she now works two jobs and he sits home. Yeah



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Cards of value that he could be selling but kind of isn't? You're teetering on the financial brink... whether they're vintage baseball trading cards or a deck of the death cards that the Bush administration issued during the invasion of Iraq, they gotta go. Get thee to an eBay, and don't be disappointed if they're not worth the big money he thinks.

You are definitely going through a lot of changes right now, and things are beyond stressful for you. My husband was unemployed for a few months, so I can only imagine the stress of your husband going to school and having to take care of kids to boot.

Could you maybe explain a little bit more about what your husband is doing? What is he going to school for? What are these jobs that he qualifies for but are unable to get? Is it possible for him to get a for-credit internship or apprenticeship of some sort? These may be paid positions, but they also might not be. Even if it's not paid, there is a lot of value in an unpaid internship: you're learning new skills, building up your resume, and making connections. These are all important steps for getting a job. How are his grades? Is he spending a lot of time in class or doing homework? How is he spending his time? Did you guys make the decision for him to go back to school together, or was this something he decided to do without consulting you first?

Keeping in mind I don't know all the facts, I'm a little concerned about your desire for him to simply get a job. I understand your perspective, but at the same time, I'm concerned that you're only thinking about the short term. If he just goes back to working 12-14 hours a day, it solves the immediate problem, but what does it do long term? If he's working 12-14 hours a day at a job he doesn't like, he's going to get burned out and lose his job anyway, not to mention not having any time to spend with his family. Without an education, he might not be able to get promotions.

I agree, your husband has made some poor choices regarding the issues with the car. I'm sure they boil down to "I wasn't thinking" (the most infuriating response ever). But I'm also concerned that you're not communicating with your husband. You've been so focused on taking care of your family that you've put yourself aside. And now all of the emotions that you kept inside are coming out. I think at this point you can't worry about stressing your husband out. You need to have a heart to heart conversation with him and explain the status of your finances, explain your hurt and anger, and start brainstorming ways to get through this together. Use "I" statements to make your point ("I feel X when you do Y because of Z"), avoid blaming or attacking. The two of you are a team. If he's not doing well in school or not trying his hardest, then maybe, yeah, he should stop going to school and get a job. But if he's doing well, working hard, and it could lead to a big pay bump in the future, then maybe the two of you can figure out a way to get him through school without sacrificing your sanity. Maybe he can drop down to part time status as a student and get a part time job in the field he wants to get into.

I promise I'm not trying to attack you or take his side. Your feelings and concerns are more than justified. But you said it yourself; he just wants to make things better for you and your family. I really believe you two can get through this; the first step is to be honest and start talking with him. Good luck!