I don't know if I believe in me or if I just don't want everyone to be mad at me even if I was gone I still think people wouldn't go to my funeral if they even bothered to pay for one because I am sure that would just be a super inconvenience to have to pay for my funeral and no one would want to spend the money. And if I was gone after that I think everyone would just be relieved to not have to deal with me. I really don't think I matter I guess in a weird way I am just asking for permission to do it.