I think i have this weird drive the others maybe dont , to both be as different and seperate as possible but then later deny the others are there

Like i intentionally and consciously do different stuff than them out of this dislike. Not for them. I just have to be joshua and not them.

So if i started.. Idk.. Tightrope walking, and then tristan got into it too, and it became an us thing, id have to find something else thats just and only mine. I might even give up the tightrope walking if i felt like itd cause any more cohosting.

Its as if i feel the brain is just a womb and im trying to birth myself out of it into a whole person rather than a part. Maybe thats where some of my problems come from.


Joshua