I've heard this is quite common for ppl with bp. I also experience this often as well. (*i am in no way trying to push drugs on you*) the only way I have actually been able to reflect is when I succumb to meds. When I feel even I look back and see the crazy train I was on. I, too, can achieve normal without meds sometimes but even that "normal" isn't as normal when I would take and stay on meds long enough to see them work.

I hope you find some peace with all of it. May I suggest crossing the hurdle of being open with the right people. Btw kudos on keeping to a healthy lifestyle that's more than I can say for myself blah.