Quote:
Originally Posted by DepressedMyself
I am noticing a trend in my own life, whereas my own negativity and bitterness has become a part of my personality. I have always been on the blunt end of any experience; social rejection, bullying, assault and alienation seem to follow me on a constant basis no matter how I change my attitude. I have learned to simply just accept this, as life for me will never get better, and all attempts to possibly change that belief are futile. My own actions regarding this have not warranted this type of behavior to happen; I try my best to be empathetic, caring and understanding to many people that I have come across, but I always either receive nothing in return or get outright, unreasoned hostility. I tend to talk to people that are no lesser from my own life, for they have also undergone the same issues that I have, but it has become clear to me that not even they want to associate themselves with me.
I was not originally like this when I was growing up. When I was younger, I generally felt happier and compassionate when it came to things like this. I was still treated as an inferior person, but my past optimistic behavior allowed me to see through those bad experiences and enjoy life. However, many things along the way had caused me to lose those attributes as I had gotten older. People started treating me different, and I wasn’t prepared to come face-to-face with this new particular type of behavior. They started to bully me to the point where all I could just do is cry in a corner, they started to alienate and completely ignore my presence, and they had caused me to change. Looking back at that particular time made me adapt to this person that I am today.
Could self-fulfilling prophecy cause in this attitude that I am seeing in people now, or is it coincidence that is making people feel this way to me? Am I purposely causing people to treat me like this, regardless of my attitude as of now? I would like to know as what the next step would be in this, since I don’t know the answer myself.
P.S.: I am currently receiving therapy and medication for PTSD, schizoaffective disorder and psychosis. Therapy does not appear to be helping me in this regard. I am taking 60mg's of prozac in the morning and 200mg's of seroquel during the night.
(this post is a copy-paste of an ask a therapist submission in case it doesn't get answered there)
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This isn't meant to be a criticism, but a logical observation.
The fact that you have come here to tell us about this issue - a site meant for emotional support - means you still have hope for yourself. You haven't accepted things as they are, not completely. That's a great thing.
But I have PTSD as well, and I have a negative "self." I'm sort of split into two separate figurative people. That damaged part of me still has a strong influence. When I get into that, I suddenly obsess on everything negative thing in my life. The world suddenly seems like it's against me and that everything that can go wrong will, 100 percent.
Human brains also have more neurons dedicated to processing negative experiences and stimuli. It's easy to get lost in painful memories; I know. My life was difficult as well. It's easier to lost for people with emotional issues, like you and I.
I feel a little silly admitting this, but I have some of my childhood toys and PC games that connect to better parts of my life. Some of these things are rare and impossible to find today, but I'll never sell them. Without them, I get lost in my own awful childhood.
Statistically speaking, it's impossible for everyone to dislike you. Nothing is 100 percent with the human population as a whole. Keep in mind that you have good things, as you yourself stated. Empathy, caring, and being understanding. Those qualities are falling by the wayside. Don't think it's caused you to be on the receiving end of mistreatment. Those are individuals you don't want to associate yourself with. And as always, each individual is responsible for his or her reactions.
You have a lot to offer. I can tell be the way you write and what you say. You still want things to change. Don't devalue yourself. It takes a lot of strength to do what you're doing.