Sorry I couldn't get my systme to cut/paste but you mentioned something about not being yourself around the people you know, that you conceal how you truly feel. This sooo resonates with me and I like what SeekingPerspective said about sharing yourself more.

I've been doing so much soul searchiing these days and one of the things I've come to realize is that I don't let people know how I feel and what I truly think. I too feel very disconnected and not close to anyone.

I have past trauma/abuse and a history of being and/or feeling not listened to. It's like I never developed the skill of expressing how I felt or thought in the moment because it seemed too messy or like no one would want to hear it or they wouldn't listen or like me.
My Dad was abusive and he didn't listen. But then he got really old and decided he wanted a relationship with is kids. There's a part of me that will always be closed off to him but I started telling him things because he was the only one listening and then I told him more and I've felt some closesness. What I mean to say is, it may take time and the right person/people but I think there's something to the 'be yourself' thing.

'Be yourself, everyone else is already taken' -Oscar Wilde