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Old Jun 11, 2015, 08:37 AM
Something is Wrong Something is Wrong is offline
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It's weird. I have friends, I have family, I know people YET I feel like I'm alone and that nobody knows me. I don't feel close to anybody.

I'm in college and it feels like I'm lost. Kind of lost in my own little world, wandering on my own. I usually hang out with my friend that I've known since elementary school at college and her other friends. But now with them I kind of feel left out though I eat lunch with them, talk to them, or whatever I do with them. Like I just don't feel 'right' with them. I feel like I have lost the connection. I don't have that connecting feeling with people anymore.

I have 2 other friends but they don't go to my college (I've known them since high school). They call me their best friend but this feeling isn't being reciprocated by me. One of my friends goes on and on saying "wow, we have known each other for X years! I'm so glad to know you! You're my best friend!". But this feeling isn't reciprocated by me (maybe it makes me a jerk idk). I just don't feel that connection with her. I don't feel close with anybody. I feel like nobody really knows me and who I really am because i conceal how I'm truly feeling from everybody.

Even with my family. They know me, they see me, YET I don't feel close to them; there is no connection present. Heck, I can wander off somewhere and not turn back and I won't miss them.

I don't feel a connection with ANYBODY. It seems to me that in actuality nobody really cares about me. I don't care to make friends anymore, I just want to be alone most of the time. I don't trust people anymore. I much rather do things on my own than with somebody. (Yes, I'll still talk to other people but I wouldn't have an intent to be friends with them or anything. Just keep with the business and then leave - no friendships made).

It seems like nobody in the world really knows me. I feel alone and lost in this world living in my own world in my mind. If I were to disappear I woudn't care if anybody would miss me because I wouldn't miss them back. Maybe I'm used to the loneliness and find comfort in it idk. It's a lost sense of connection.

Last edited by Something is Wrong; Jun 11, 2015 at 08:58 AM.
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  #2  
Old Jun 11, 2015, 03:49 PM
SeekingPerspective SeekingPerspective is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Something is Wrong View Post
It's weird. I have friends, I have family, I know people YET I feel like I'm alone and that nobody knows me. I don't feel close to anybody.

I'm in college and it feels like I'm lost. Kind of lost in my own little world, wandering on my own. I usually hang out with my friend that I've known since elementary school at college and her other friends. But now with them I kind of feel left out though I eat lunch with them, talk to them, or whatever I do with them. Like I just don't feel 'right' with them. I feel like I have lost the connection. I don't have that connecting feeling with people anymore.

I have 2 other friends but they don't go to my college (I've known them since high school). They call me their best friend but this feeling isn't being reciprocated by me. One of my friends goes on and on saying "wow, we have known each other for X years! I'm so glad to know you! You're my best friend!". But this feeling isn't reciprocated by me (maybe it makes me a jerk idk). I just don't feel that connection with her. I don't feel close with anybody. I feel like nobody really knows me and who I really am because i conceal how I'm truly feeling from everybody.

Even with my family. They know me, they see me, YET I don't feel close to them; there is no connection present. Heck, I can wander off somewhere and not turn back and I won't miss them.

I don't feel a connection with ANYBODY. It seems to me that in actuality nobody really cares about me. I don't care to make friends anymore, I just want to be alone most of the time. I don't trust people anymore. I much rather do things on my own than with somebody. (Yes, I'll still talk to other people but I wouldn't have an intent to be friends with them or anything. Just keep with the business and then leave - no friendships made).

It seems like nobody in the world really knows me. I feel alone and lost in this world living in my own world in my mind. If I were to disappear I woudn't care if anybody would miss me because I wouldn't miss them back. Maybe I'm used to the loneliness and find comfort in it idk. It's a lost sense of connection.
Hello,

Have your heard the term, INTJ? Introverted Intuitive Thinking Judging. It might be a possibility. This personality tends to be very intelligent, but has a tough time socializing.
I'm not here to judge or label, just to offer some insight.
Outside of my Husband, I don't really have close friends. I often feel that people like the idea of me, but they don't want to form a real connection. I seem to intimidate them. I'm not mean, just assertive and I take change in-stride. These two factors separate me from the pack.
It sounds like you prefer to be alone, but you also want friends. Time to change patterns and break-out of your comfort zone. Push yourself out there and really share something about yourself. If your current friends don't like the new you...then you're right, your not best friends.
Sending you light and love. Best of luck!
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  #3  
Old Jun 11, 2015, 07:40 PM
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Crazy Hitch Crazy Hitch is offline
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I'm sorry to hear that you feel a sense of disconnect from others Something is Wrong

Having a sense of belonging amongst peers / family or any particular social group I believe is a basic need.

Sometimes I feel alone too.

My wish for you is that you begin finding your sense of place in this world.
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  #4  
Old Jun 12, 2015, 09:47 PM
Something is Wrong Something is Wrong is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeekingPerspective View Post
Hello,

Have your heard the term, INTJ? Introverted Intuitive Thinking Judging. It might be a possibility. This personality tends to be very intelligent, but has a tough time socializing.
I'm not here to judge or label, just to offer some insight.
Outside of my Husband, I don't really have close friends. I often feel that people like the idea of me, but they don't want to form a real connection. I seem to intimidate them. I'm not mean, just assertive and I take change in-stride. These two factors separate me from the pack.
It sounds like you prefer to be alone, but you also want friends. Time to change patterns and break-out of your comfort zone. Push yourself out there and really share something about yourself. If your current friends don't like the new you...then you're right, your not best friends.
Sending you light and love. Best of luck!
Thanks for your reply, SeekingPerpective. Yeah, I've heard of INTJ before (I forget which one I am though). And yes it's true, I prefer to be alone and that I want friends but it seems like I just can't be close to anybody. My 2 friends that don't go to my college - yeah I talk to them a lot through Facebook etc. but I just don't feel that connection. It's like the feeling of connection is dead inside of me preventing me to connect with anybody. It's weird and hard to describe.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hooligan View Post
I'm sorry to hear that you feel a sense of disconnect from others Something is Wrong

Having a sense of belonging amongst peers / family or any particular social group I believe is a basic need.

Sometimes I feel alone too.

My wish for you is that you begin finding your sense of place in this world.
Thanks, Hooligan. You're right and that's what I mean. I feel so much more different than everybody; I'm finding it diffult to find some sense of belonging in this world. blah.
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  #5  
Old Jun 12, 2015, 10:40 PM
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llleeelllaaannneee llleeelllaaannneee is offline
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Sorry I couldn't get my systme to cut/paste but you mentioned something about not being yourself around the people you know, that you conceal how you truly feel. This sooo resonates with me and I like what SeekingPerspective said about sharing yourself more.

I've been doing so much soul searchiing these days and one of the things I've come to realize is that I don't let people know how I feel and what I truly think. I too feel very disconnected and not close to anyone.

I have past trauma/abuse and a history of being and/or feeling not listened to. It's like I never developed the skill of expressing how I felt or thought in the moment because it seemed too messy or like no one would want to hear it or they wouldn't listen or like me.
My Dad was abusive and he didn't listen. But then he got really old and decided he wanted a relationship with is kids. There's a part of me that will always be closed off to him but I started telling him things because he was the only one listening and then I told him more and I've felt some closesness. What I mean to say is, it may take time and the right person/people but I think there's something to the 'be yourself' thing.

'Be yourself, everyone else is already taken' -Oscar Wilde
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  #6  
Old Jun 13, 2015, 06:36 AM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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As a child, how well were you treated and listened to by your parents?
Thanks for this!
Something is Wrong
  #7  
Old Jun 13, 2015, 02:51 PM
Something is Wrong Something is Wrong is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by llleeelllaaannneee View Post
Sorry I couldn't get my systme to cut/paste but you mentioned something about not being yourself around the people you know, that you conceal how you truly feel. This sooo resonates with me and I like what SeekingPerspective said about sharing yourself more.

I've been doing so much soul searchiing these days and one of the things I've come to realize is that I don't let people know how I feel and what I truly think. I too feel very disconnected and not close to anyone.

I have past trauma/abuse and a history of being and/or feeling not listened to. It's like I never developed the skill of expressing how I felt or thought in the moment because it seemed too messy or like no one would want to hear it or they wouldn't listen or like me.
My Dad was abusive and he didn't listen. But then he got really old and decided he wanted a relationship with is kids. There's a part of me that will always be closed off to him but I started telling him things because he was the only one listening and then I told him more and I've felt some closesness. What I mean to say is, it may take time and the right person/people but I think there's something to the 'be yourself' thing.

'Be yourself, everyone else is already taken' -Oscar Wilde
I'm sorry to hear what has happened to you, llleeelllaaannneee
Yeah I know what you mean. The thing is that I do act like myself but I conceal my thoughts and opinions (i feel like my opinion doesn't matter/not very important). I more so just crack jokes a lot and am joking about 800% of the time with my friends (I do like to joke around). But idk it's like I can't feel the closeness. If I did start sharing my thoughts/opinions with them they may think I'm weird because I'm actually a very hopeless/pessimistic person and I much rather not be pessimistic around them so I keep to myself. Sometimes with my friends I go to the point of not messaging them for weeks on end - I pull myself away. Then I give them a dumb excuse of "sorry, I had an extremely busy week I couldn't get to your messages," when in reality I'm just browsing YouTube, sleeping around or literally doing nothing and staring at a wall. I think that nobody really knows the true me. I can get really depressing sometimes and they wouldn't even know it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post
As a child, how well were you treated and listened to by your parents?
I wasn't very close to my parents since I was a kid. They wanted a boy but they had me - a girl. I have other younger siblings as well so they got more attention than me. My parent also used to fight a lot so I spent a lot of my time crying in my room as a child. I also tried to run away once but I didn't succeed (obviously) because I'm still here lol Even now I'm not very close to them. I feel like a stranger in the family (I even overheard my mom talking to my sister and telling her to build a relationship with me; this is clearly not working). I'm pretty much labelled as the dissapointment/failure of the family. I honestly don't even remember the last time I talked to my dad casually about how life is going or anything of the sort; it's more so like "I need to go there for X reason,", "the printer isn't working again,", "I need this for my project,", etc etc.
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  #8  
Old Jun 13, 2015, 03:34 PM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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I'm so sorry that you feel the need to conceal the real you. It sounds like your background brought you to do that. From birth, the true you (a girl) was not wanted. With your parents fighting, it sounds like you were afraid to speak, which also makes sense under the circumstances. What would have happened when you were younger if you ever said what you really thought? How about now?

What about your posting here: to what extent are you telling us what you really think? How does it feel for you to speak here?
Thanks for this!
Something is Wrong
  #9  
Old Jun 14, 2015, 01:37 AM
Something is Wrong Something is Wrong is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post
I'm so sorry that you feel the need to conceal the real you. It sounds like your background brought you to do that. From birth, the true you (a girl) was not wanted. With your parents fighting, it sounds like you were afraid to speak, which also makes sense under the circumstances. What would have happened when you were younger if you ever said what you really thought? How about now?

What about your posting here: to what extent are you telling us what you really think? How does it feel for you to speak here?
If I was younger and I spoke I was told to shush and I'm little and that I don't know any better. Now I don't talk to my family much so I don't express anything to them. There really is nothing to say to them but even if I do they'll just nod or tell me that I don't really know much yet because I'm young and inexperienced.

Posting here is different it seems for me. I can be more open here because it's completely anonymous. I feel like I'm not being judged so I can say basically whatever I want (considering I'm a person that conceals everything). One time I told my friend that I feel really anxious and I'm getting a lot of anxiety and just telling her that made me even more anxious and made me shake even more. Telling people I know in real life about what goes on with me just doesn't seem to work. I get really anxious and I feel like they will judge me.
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  #10  
Old Jun 14, 2015, 02:05 AM
avlady avlady is offline
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i am a lonely person too. i understand your pain too/i only wish i had just a few friends but they never kept in touch after they all go married and had kids. so here i am.
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  #11  
Old Jun 14, 2015, 03:47 AM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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Quote:
Posting here is different it seems for me. I can be more open here because it's completely anonymous. I feel like I'm not being judged so I can say basically whatever I want (considering I'm a person that conceals everything)
How does it feel inside to speak here?

The freedom to speak without being dismissed or judged is what one can find with a therapist as well. I wonder if you could speak to a therapist regularly, maybe at college.

Quote:
Maybe I'm used to the loneliness and find comfort in it idk.
Well yes, the loneliness and distance is what you have always known, so I suspect that closeness, intimacy with someone would feel alien and disorienting. Yet:

Quote:
I want friends but it seems like I just can't be close to anybody.
What do you mean by closeness? What would it be like for you to feel connected with someone?

Maybe you could know or explore closeness with some other people if you could do it safely, without fear of being judged or treated as a disappointment.

Take posting here for example. You took the risk of telling us that you are pessimistic inside, and no one judged you here for saying that. How does not being judged feel inside for you?

Quote:
I feel like I'm not being judged so I can say basically whatever I want (considering I'm a person that conceals everything).
What would you want to say--keeping in mind that people do not judge you here?
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Thanks for this!
Something is Wrong
  #12  
Old Jun 14, 2015, 03:59 AM
avlady avlady is offline
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i would admit how lonely i am and im doing it now it feels good to tell someone
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  #13  
Old Jun 19, 2015, 10:52 PM
Something is Wrong Something is Wrong is offline
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Sorry for my extremely delayed response, I was very busy with college and stuff.

What do you mean by closeness? What would it be like for you to feel connected with someone?

By 'closeness' I mean like somebody that knows you inside out. Somebody you can trust through and through. Like when you meet them you do not need to hide anything from them. Idk it's hard to explain but somebody that you just feel 'connected' to. Somebody that I dont feel the need to pull away from because it seems like when I get too close from somebody I start to ignore them after a bit even if they didn't do anything. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve friends or anything.

What would you want to say--keeping in mind that people do not judge you here?

Over here I am able to say whatever I want - even the silliest thing. I feel so anonymous here because nobody knows me so they can't exactly judge me. If I feel threatened here it is easy for me to leave (no, I don't feel threatened here at all). Nobody knows me so they can't track me or anything. It's an easy escape.
  #14  
Old Feb 19, 2018, 08:13 AM
Woodsyy Woodsyy is offline
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I resonate with all of what you’ve said here. I feel the exact way you do. Did you find any way out of this?
Thanks
  #15  
Old Feb 20, 2018, 11:57 PM
blubbbrabbel blubbbrabbel is offline
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Hello,
suffering from loneliness is hard, especially when you are surrounded by people you've known for a long time. I can relate to this, because I felt like this in my past.
The way I think and feel about it has changed. So I would like to share with you in what way.
I felt lonely and disconnected all through my late teens and early twenties. You were talking about 16 personalities of MBTI and INTJs. I identify as INFP. I am pretty sure both my parents are xSxx types. But the point I would like to make is not about the test. Its about the fact that I felt different and misunderstood. I found MBTI years later and felt confirmed about how we differ. But it has helped me try to take my parents how they are. In my case, looking back I feel like I was the one missing out... Same goes for my friendships. I was the one not letting people close, although I craved deep connections.
Offcourse, there will always be people with whom you can connect much faster and with less effort.
Now this may sound easier than it is... or it may sound way too obvious, I don't know. It took me years to figure out the theory and I think the practice is a never ending process.
What I want to say is just that I found a way to get closer to people by showing more interest in what is bothering them and by sharing more of myself.
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