It's been a long time since I started this thread. Thank you for your honest answers. The way anyone feels about it in their life and relationships is perfectly valid.

I'm working with the Department of Rehabilitation to move and get a job. Hopefully something will work out, and I'll find something I can do without getting sick. This was always the plan, but back surgery put a hold on the musical instrument repair certificate I had been working on.

I do have some thoughts about the matter.

I'm not married of course, but it seems to me that in a marriage that the husband and wife have to depend on one another. I don't mean that just in an everyday, practical sort of way, but in a deeper personal way. Both need to "pull their weight" to be supportive of the other, and to not be a burden unnecessarily. That's part of "being there" for someone. It seems to me though that the more independent each are of one another, the less they need one another, and the looser their bond becomes. I could be wrong, but I think even in the best relationships I think there is a certain amount of aggravation and putting up with one another. If neither "needs" the other in some real way, there is little reason to stick together when things get rough. You just grow apart. That's why I feel there's something wrong with the idea that individuals in a relationship have to be whole, independent, or as they say "love themselves" before they can love someone else. There's some truth to that, but its overstated. I know enough about it to know that you learn to accept or love yourself by being loved, just like you learn to love another by being loved. As a child, if you are made to feel loved you learn to love. If you do not feel loved, you have a harder time loving.

Basically, you become "independent" by depending on others. You need physical and emotional support to achieve your potential. When you don't have anyone you appear independent, but feel anything but. Practically speaking I'm one of the most independent people I know because I do everything alone (including little things like moving half way across the country). I'm just not financially independent. Being alone all the time I've become aware just how much I need other people. I feel anything but independent, I'm downright lonely.

There are a lot of things a spouse can offer besides financial security. For my part I can take care of the house, cooking and cleaning. I'm a good handyman, and can do everything from paint a room to remodeling. I'm well educated and could homeschool our kids, both in academics and music. I'm funny. I can be a role model for the kids, and I can be faithful to my wife. I know how to do lots of interesting things, and I'm well traveled. I'm also a gentleman. As important as finances are, even if I can never keep a full-time job, if I find someone who thinks those other things are more important, I might make a good husband.