Please forgive the childishness of my post... I respect all of you a lot, and I just don't know what to do.

Also for the record in the event it matters: I'm almost 21, he's 23.

I know he knows I like him. I accepted the fact he loves me but is not in love with me. I chose to be a good friend instead. Then he upset me and called me his best friend by default - since everyone else doesnt really communicate with him. Fine. I'll deal. Then he met my dog and the dog became his best friend. FINE. I'm just fine with that.

Why does he do this to me?

He's leaving for another frigging country in under a month and I dont know how to deal with this. He'll be gone for at least a year. Thats a long time. He told me that he doesnt keep in contact when he goes somewhere, and makes new friends and forgets the old ones.

That bleeping hurt.

He makes fun of me, fine. I can stand a bit of it because it's not malicious. He gets a tad physical when I poke and touch him. Nothing sexual, more like rough-housing. Fine. I can deal with that, I always wanted a brother of sorts. Sure I've had minor pain as a result, but no big thing. He can say the meanest things and not even realize (or doesnt appear to realize) when it hurts me.

He KNOWS how bad it will be for me when he leaves. He listens to me and just is a generally nice guy to talk to. I've learned a lot about him, and vice versa. We hang out more than I do with anyone else. We have fun. He's very talented in so many ways, and he genuinely tries to help me.

I don't know what I'm upset about - but this BUGS me. I love him. I do. I can't tell him, it'll ruin what we've got. I can't tell him, he doesnt feel the same. I can't tell him, because he'll leave me or hurt me. I have never felt this way about another person.

What the hell is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong?

He keeps hurting me and sometimes I wonder if he's pushing me away deliberately or just wants to upset me. Not entirely maliciously, just see how much he can destroy this relationship.

Am I over-reacting, am I too emotional, too clingy, too annoying, too distant, too confusing? Am I making mountains out of molehills? Is this what all relationships are like at some point?

Am I doomed to always go after the unavailable ones, and chased by those that are controlling and kinda creepy?

So ends my pathetic relationship problems. Anyone have anything to say?

PLEASE HELP ME. I don't know what to do to stop hurting, all I want to do is cry right now.

(Edit: Okay, I became a sobbing mess and I saw something he posted on Facebook that was clearly directed at me and sent him an email trying to explain how I've felt lately regarding our relationship.... but in the event it falls through, I still would like anyone else's insights, PLEASE!)