I'm so sorry you're going through this painful process. Lots of us here know exactly what you mean. We've been there and many are still there right where you are too. I can promise you that it will get better and it's very common for those attachment and transference feelings to last for many years. As you grow emotionally and change (and you will) the strength of the transference loosens and you begin to have your own understanding and 'power' (for want of a better word) over it.

Restin is right - there are lots of articles etc that can explain what is happening in transference.

If there were times when you were very young that you missed out of important emotional input from your main carer(s) (and they may have just inadvertantly not given you what you needed at crucial stages) you will grow up with a feeling of having something missing, an emptiness and sometimes a longing or craving to find something that fills that. In people whose carer provided them with enough good emotional input what happens is that they very naturally learn to meet their own emotional needs themselves - they learn, for example, self-soothing and other healthy ways of helping themselves emotionally. They look to others for that much less and never in the same way that emotionally deprived people do.

Like you, I was one of those emotionally deprived children. Therapists are attentive, kind, warm, loving even, and when we experience that it feels as if the emptiness and longings are at last being met. It all feels so wonderful and our 'inner child' craves and needs more and more of it. What happens in time is that ( providing the T is consistent and remains there for you) you begin to learn to give yourself that soothing and comfort/strength. It can take a long time to calm that craving and needy inner child part of you. Sometimes it can feel very overwhelming. What I used to do when that happened was remember that I was/am in fact a sensible and competent adult and let the 'adult' part of me hold the reins so to speak until the child/needy part calmed down. That would enable me to take a bit of time and space to calm down, sooth myself, remember it's all part of transference.

What you learn in time is that your feelings of safety, emotional calm etc can come from within yourself. Sticking with therapy will enable you to learn to do that for yourself. Then you'll need what at the moment you crave from T less and less. She'll have helped you find and establish that within yourself. Yes, it can take a long, long time, but that is ok.

I think the main thing is to carry on being open with your T about how you feel. Also tell her you feel a bit overwhelmed by the transference at the moment. If you don't think she is really helping you with this then one option is to find another T to talk this all through with. I had to do that at one point as my T wasn't really trained in dealing with transference and we both got overwhelmed with it at one point. What I did was get a better understanding and help with dealing with it from second T for a brief time. I then went back to the first T to kind of carry on. For me that worked.

Don't be tempted to tell yourself that you 'shouldn't' be feeling like this. My T used to say that whatever you resist will persist. She was right. Human beings are emotional and relational beings and all our feelings are valid and allowed - especially feelings that come from deep within us and that are trying to tell us we need something. Be your own best friend and treat yourself and these feelings with compassion and patience. You will be ok.

Sending you hugs xx