Pondering the big questions is enough to make anyone unhappy and confused. I've studied the 'freewill' question in depth, and it's a problem that philosophers have been studying for thousands of years - and still no one has a definitive answer.

So I choose to believe that it does exist. Because I really don't want to live in a world where I feel like I have no control over my choices or the direction that my life takes. Plus, I don't want to believe that all the horrible things that happen in the world are just 'destined' to happen, or that someone who (for a random example) abuses children does it because they have no choice or free will, they just do it because it's their 'fate' to do it, or it's the child's 'fate' to be abused. I think that takes a sense of personal responsibility for our actions out of the equation, and I choose not to live that way or believe that. I think we all have a choice before we act, and we are responsible for our own actions. This is just my opinion.

I hope you are able to get the job you want. Had you smoked pot, is that what happened to worry you about not getting the job? I got lucky, when I had my drug test for work they did a mouth swab thing, which can basically only detect pot if you'd just smoked within the hour. I'd tried it for the first time a few days before, and my test came back clean. I really hate that pot is such a problem in our country. It's just a plant after all, and it's impossible to overdose on. Alcohol causes way more health problems, yet that is still legal (and encouraged even.) At least some states are passing medical allowances, or outright decriminalizing, so there is hope that the rest of the USA will catch up soon... I can hope.

Hugs for you though. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time of it right now.