Pondering the big questions is enough to make anyone unhappy and confused. I've studied the 'freewill' question in depth, and it's a problem that philosophers have been studying for thousands of years - and still no one has a definitive answer.

So I choose to believe that it does exist. Because I really don't want to live in a world where I feel like I have no control over my choices or the direction that my life takes. Plus, I don't want to believe that all the horrible things that happen in the world are just 'destined' to happen, or that someone who (for a random example) abuses children does it because they have no choice or free will, they just do it because it's their 'fate' to do it, or it's the child's 'fate' to be abused. I think that takes a sense of personal responsibility for our actions out of the equation, and I choose not to live that way or believe that. I think we all have a choice before we act, and we are responsible for our own actions. This is just my opinion.

I hope you are able to get the job you want.

Hugs for you though. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time of it right now.