I know exactly what you mean by this. Having to pretend you're OK in front of others can be exhausting. For me right now, it's mostly to my husband and daughter. And with my daughter, who's 4, I try to not only be "OK" but smiling and enthusiastic with her. She's giving me more hugs than usual lately, which is very sweet, so maybe she can tell something's wrong.

It's good you have so many appointments coming up, plus watching the baby again. I find I do better when I have things on my schedule, in spite of the whole pretending part. Well, some of those things are T and p-doc appointments, and I don't have to pretend in there...(Was going to add MC to the list, but there's some amount of pretending in there too.)

I think you should mention the hopelesssness to the MH nurse, too. I think talking about it will probably help.