No one can help

Why continue with this?

I'm truly learning that there's no one 'out there', no professional, who can help. I've been feeling awful for some time now and have been just getting through by holding onto the comforts of my appointments - knowing that I had to be there at a certain time on a certain date. That's what gets me through each day, knowing my t will be there. I thought she'd be able to help me a little. Anf she has in her own way.

But, as wonderful as my t is, she can't really help me. She can't change the way I feel. Sure, she can offer suggestions and provide a compassionate ear, but she can't make me feel better; she can't make me want to continue existing. That's up to me, no one else - me.

And I'm not sure I want to keep just holding on, treading water, waiting to see my t and then still feeling like I can't go on afterwards. I saw my t today and it's just hit me. I'm living and surviving (just) holding on to the idea that someone, my t, anyone, will be able to help me feel better, feel whole, feel cared for. That's what keeps me going, that hope that someone can help.

But they can't. And, without hope, I just wonder what's the point? Why don't I just let go? Because no one can help me. And I can't help me. There's only one option left in my mind.

My T says no one can make me feel better, only I can, but they can give you the skills or guide you on a path. Are you on meds for depression? You sound like you're in a really bad place.

Yeah, I'm on meds (antidepressants and antipsychotics). I am in a bad place, this episode started about 2and a half months ago. But, yeah, I am low.

I don't know what to say. Just: I hear you. There are people out (t)here who understand.

(((TwF))) - but all the great athletes have coaches that help them play better, right? Like michael phelps, or serena williams. The athletes put the work in, but what do the coaches do?

I reckon I'd have been cut from the team a while ago. If not, I should be. No coach wants failures.

One symptom of depression is hopelessness. It is the disease that gives the impression that you cannot help yourself, and that T cannot help. I hope that you can discuss these thoughts of hopelessness with T.

(((((ThingWithFeathers)))))

I i feel like i could have writtien this myself i have been in exactly the same situation for the past 8 months i cant say i have gotten better but i have gotten more used to it. I try and take it day by day and find just even one small thing even tiny thing that is good or kind and tell myself there is hope in this world and try and look at the bad things in this world and be thankful i have a roof over my head and acess to clean water. that is just what helps me get through the day but you need to find your thing i kniw it is hard but please try.

"No one puts Baby in a corner!" - from Dirty Dancing

Can you change your meds or increase them? If you're still in such a bad place? When your mood has stabilised, then you'll be ready for talk therapy. That's what happened to my son and I (separately)

I've felt like that in the past. Of course we can be helped. Or mood does change.

I guess I can get through another 6 days - and again wait and hold out some hope things will change when I next see my t. I hadn't thought of talking to her (weird?) - but that's something I could do next time.

We're in the middle of that now, it could actually be part of the reason I'm so down.

I've been there. I agree that you should talk about the hopelessness with your T. And talk to your p-doc about changing meds (I'm going in to do that today).

It's just hard to hold on to those concepts. I wonder how long I will keep feeling like this and I can't see past my inability to know what will help.

I get that extremely bad people are broken and can't be fixed because they are depressed as a punishment, but that's not you. You are a good person. You're very supportive, you've helped tons of people here on PC. You've done a lot for me this past week. You are fixable. It's a difficult thought to hold on to, but it's true.

Thanks, breadfish.

I feel pretty defective and unfixable and broken right now. I'm also self critical about how I feel and where I'm at. So I appreciate you saying those things. irl don't believe I'm helping anyone feeling the way I do, I'm to busy trying to keep myself together moment by moment to offer others much support.

I'm just tired of switching between feeling too much internal turmoil and feeling apathetic about life.

6 days. I can go 6 more days. It's going to be tough waiting again, but I will try one more time to focus on the next session and what I need to say. I'm a burden to her. She doesn't say or show it, but I think it and I feel it.

Journal about it. Don't try to change it

You can't possibly be a burden. That's her job. She chose to do this. If clients were a burden she'd be doing something else. I have people commenting how i can handle something tough at work. My answer is that's what I chose to do. I wouldn't worry about being s burden but focus on yourself

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I do feel like a burden. One of the key reasons is that I don't pay to see my t, it's a free service (yes, I'm very lucky to live in a country with free national health care). She gets paid a salery regardless of whether I'm there or not.

I feel a burden to her and the organisation. I've been there over 2 and a half years, and am still falling into crisis after crisis.

No one wants a suicidal client.

I've been there... and I get what you're saying. But I can also tell you that if you just keep hanging in there, one day at a time, the way you feel right now will begin to ease. Just keep hanging in there.

I'll be trying, at least for the next 5 days. I can make a decision then, after I've seen my t and can gage what we can do. But it really comes down to me - what I can do. And I don't think I can do anything.

Remember to keep activating yourself, even though it can be really difficult. As you did when you took care of the child for your friend.

Bill, I know you're right, but it's so hard to be around people where I have to pretend I'm okay. I took myself to the chemist to pick up my meds - so that's one outing today. I was meant to be seeing a film tonight, but I canceled. I have the baby again on Friday and I have an appointment tomorrow with my MH nurse. I might open up to him about my hopelessness. I've booked in to see my psychologist next Tuesday and I'm seeing my t Monday. The nights are going to be hard, but at least I have a lot of appointments this week. I think I need the extra support. I just don't see it helping