ugh well i haven't been doing too well lately. i'm in an outpatient program and have been going through severe depression during the last few months. i felt hopeless, like i've made too many bad decisions and idk. i have a difficult problem with accepting my add, though i was diagnosed a couple of years ago. i still feel like i don't have a strong handle on it. i also have social anxiety and i feel like that plays a big role with my negative thoughts that i have towards add. though recently, i feel like my negative thoughts have gotten better. i still tend to notice that i think that i'm stupid and dumb when i make a mistake due to my add symptoms. many times, my social anxiety causes me to want to avoid social situations where i'll have to read instructions or do difficult tasks in front of others because i fear that i may mess up (i've made many mistakes in the past because of this where i was ridiculed by peers).

today, in my program, we were in a small group where we were asked to explain what brought us to the outpatient program. i said that i struggled with depression and sa for years and then the group facilitator asked me if i could provide more details about my sa and depression. idk what led me to say this, but i brought up how i was diagnosed with add a few years ago and that though it made me feel hopeless and like i couldn't accomplish anything at first, it was also a relief because i finally knew what i was struggling with. (though i didn't say it that clearly). my depression and sa come from a lot of different factors in my life, not just my add. but for some stupid reason, i decided to bring it up to people today. i even have been working a lot on my organization skills, i also just recently finished an add class. i talked about it a lot with my former therapist and thought i was doing well to manage it. but idk, i think that my sa and depression make me feel otherwise. but as i said, it's not the only thing that makes me feel low. so the group ended up giving me feedback about my add (i didn't really want that to be the main focus of discussion) and i was asked questions like "are you talking to a therapist?" and "have you taken the add class here?" this other woman attempted to relate to my situation and talked about one of her disorders, she said that she coped by seeking other ppl that lived near her that had her disorder. it made her feel like she wasn't alone. i thought that was good advice but when the group facilitator brought up that it's easy for ppl with add to feel like they're dumb, stupid and lazy, but they're really not, i just kind of shut down. all my negative thoughts about my add came up iny head and i started thinking "i'm right, these ppl do think i'm dumb" and i just felt horrible for even bringing it up. i felt like it wasn't necessary to even talk about it. i felt out of place, like i was an alien or something. i guess my question is, was i being too open with these ppl? and also, should i start telling others that i'm close to that i have add? would it be a good way to learn to accept it? idk i'm kind of just ranting rn. but i would love to hear some advice. thanks.