3 days later. Tomorrow goes into day 4 (and I'll be gone most of the day anyway) and I have not spoken to him.

I don't know if this is bad or anything, but I cannot even deal with the site of his face or sound of his voice. I have been locking myself in my room and when we bump into each other I rush away into my room and slam the door. He cannot mistake my anger. Yet he still will not apologize. Even if he did, I would probably only say thanks for apologizing but I don't forgive you.

My mom got involved in some sense too. She of course was taking his side again. She got mad that I was mad and upset. I haven't spoken to her either.

My Dad is the only one I will speak to right now because he was the only one who checked on me that night to see if I was okay. He's been very understanding. That is really just what I need. I did tell him though that I won't leave my room unless it is to get something quick or if he knocks because he is the only one I want to see and talk to right now.

I'm waiting to feel like my mom cares. I'm waiting for her apology. It may never come. Her I can forgive. And then maybe for once she'll sit down to hear me out. Cold shoulder is not something I have ever done in my life. I prefer to talk about my problems to sort them out, but for over 8 years (when I consider the problem beginning from) that has not worked with her. Maybe nothing will if this doesn't. I just hope she's thinking and one day she will knock on my door to see how I'm doing or to say sorry.

I'm not waiting per say on an apology from my brother. He has very rarely ever apologized for anything. When he has apologized he's had some excuse or still blamed me...never taking full responsibility. Perhaps it is because my parents let him get away with so much. He figures nothing can be his doing. If the needle in the hay stack arrises (meaning that he sincerely apologizes with no ********), I still know I cannot forgive him. He is-simply put- not a person I can comfortably associate with. He is not nice to me and his values are completely opposite from mine. I hope this isn't harsh, but I am honestly ashamed to be related to him. If people judged me by my brother, I do not think they would like me at all.

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