I used to be good looking, but I've aged badly thanks to health issues and destructive habits. everyone I know appreciates me for my kindness and character, but they feel sorry for me and pity me, they either have bad things to say or refrain from saying the same because they're afraid of hurting me. I know I can't control what others think of me, they could say good things to my face and have really bad opinions reserved for me in secret, Honestly, it sucks being this object of ridicule and pity.

I have really bad self esteem, I don't talk to people much, I hide, I can't make eye contact with anyone anymore, sometimes I feel like I should just disappear somewhere.

Why is time so unforgiving? I became ill at a time in life where I was very apathetic, purposeless, numb, I didn't really care about my health or appearance. My self esteem is so low that rather than thinking about the future, I obsess over fantastical things like the possibility of time machines or some parallel universe where I'm still fine, and that I can shift to that parallel dimension if I try to stay positive.

I once had a dream where I could go back 2 hours in time just by sleeping and waking up.

My low self esteem has turned kind of ugly, I like holding grudges, I like avoiding people, I like staying away from people, even the ones that were good to me in the past.