Extremely low self esteem

I used to be good looking, but I've aged badly thanks to health issues and destructive habits. everyone I know appreciates me for my kindness and character, but they feel sorry for me and pity me, they either have bad things to say or refrain from saying the same because they're afraid of hurting me. I know I can't control what others think of me, they could say good things to my face and have really bad opinions reserved for me in secret, Honestly, it sucks being this object of ridicule and pity.

I have really bad self esteem, I don't talk to people much, I hide, I can't make eye contact with anyone anymore, sometimes I feel like I should just disappear somewhere.

Why is time so unforgiving? I became ill at a time in life where I was very apathetic, purposeless, numb, I didn't really care about my health or appearance. My self esteem is so low that rather than thinking about the future, I obsess over fantastical things like the possibility of time machines or some parallel universe where I'm still fine, and that I can shift to that parallel dimension if I try to stay positive.

I once had a dream where I could go back 2 hours in time just by sleeping and waking up.

My low self esteem has turned kind of ugly, I like holding grudges, I like avoiding people, I like staying away from people, even the ones that were good to me in the past.

Are you sure they feel sorry for you and pity you? Often enough people who are "ugly" become attractive because of their character and people who are pretty/handsome become ugly because of their lack of character. (IMO)

IMO we look past the outward appearance much quicker and easier than the inside!

What you think and feel inside will shine through you., and if that is "ugly" it will distance you no doubt from others.

When inside of you is at peace, love and happiness flows freely from you, and this is a magnet to all those around you!

What is really cool is NO ONE can see all those ugly thoughts in your head. Think about that. Even if you have to pretend you are having good thoughts - this will emit "good" from you, and you will eventually start to feel and believe in this good! You attract others.
With good, no one cares how you "look" on the outside, it becomes completely irrelevant !
Smile and start your happiness now


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I think that I'd make a lot of friends, if i gave people the chance to get to know me. I was much more confident in the past. I don't think I'm ugly, i just go through phases where I think so.

I wish I could feel less miserable about myself. My self esteem is better than usual today, my thoughts are clearer, and now that I think of it, I can't remember anyone ever saying I'm ugly, maybe they've told me that i don't look as good as I did in the past.

You are right, but some people tend to be kinda shallow, they judge based on appearance, maybe i shouldn't waste time trying to please such people.

As a teenager, I was repeatedly told that I was so ugly I didn't deserve to be alive. I have felt utterly hideous for years, so I really understand where you are coming from. It's hard to look yourself in the mirror when you feel that way.

I'm glad no one has ever said such cruel things to you, because no one deserves that. I am trying to work towards accepting that I didn't deserve it, either, but it's been a tough journey so far. I feel like I've grown a lot, though.

And you absolutely should NOT listen to shallow idiots who judge others based on their appearance! Those people are not worth any of your time or energy. Just tell yourself that you are better than them - because you are.

I wonder if those people that told you you were ugly have changed. That's so cruel.

I am working towards becoming completely unaffected by negative stuff others have to say.

You are right, I could try to hit back, maybe find one of their flaws and use it against them, but I refused to do so, i don't want to stoop down to their level.

I don't know. Last year I was invited to a 10-year reunion for secondary school (grades 8-10, as we change schools again for upper secondary, grades 11-13), and I was added to a facebook group where they were planning the event. I wrote a post there saying that I was certainly NOT coming to this reunion, that I'd rather have teeth pulled with no anesthesia after what they did to me, and was then bombarded by messages from previous classmates. Among those who messaged me were the two "leaders" of the whole operation, plus a couple of guys who were quite mean to me, and they claimed not to remember any of it. They were like, "I'm sorry, but I just can't remember doing any of that." I told them that I didn't buy it, because it's an attitude that basically puts all the blame back on me like I just imagined the whole thing. I set them straight, and neither of them replied back. Oh well.

I'm pretty hard to offend nowadays, because there really is very little anyone can say to me that I haven't already heard, and that I don't already think to myself on a daily basis. So for me it's more about eliminating my inner bully.

Don't let them get to you. Seems like you still have a pretty healthy attitude about it, so keep that up, and don't let them squander it. You ARE better than them, and therefore you don't need to do to them what they are doing to you. They are idiots, and I'm actually willing to bet that they are in denial of just how lousy they feel about themselves.

I understand, My past 'friends' often ask me why i don't stay in touch with them anymore. They don't realize that they were never really my 'friends', we just studied in the same school. I had to endure all their ridicule and bullying, and i let some of them take advantage of me because they were my 'classmates' there was very little i could do to avoid them because i saw them in school everyday.

Seems like a lot of people 'don't remember what they did', or just state that it was all in good fun, but It wasn't fun for me.

The only difference between the past me and present me is that I know when to say no, now. I don't let people take advantage of me as much, but I still have to much get stronger.

Happiness is an inside job. Some therapy would help. Do something to make yourself feel better about yourself like getting your hair done, tanning, watching a movie, going out with friends.

You may be delusional right now and need to see a therapist before it gets worse.

And you are getting stuck in your head a lot to hide the pain. It's a good technique but it could hurt your grasp on reality. Try keeping a mood journal too so you can reflect back on it whether you see that therapist or not, just do it.

I highly recommend a therapist to start out..

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I have thought about therapy and journal, thank you. I hope I can start sometime soon.