Kala,

What your describing in helping all your friends sounds a lot like codependency issues. Sounds a bit like you are a "rescuer" and the friendships are sort of based on that. Not a bad thing that you like to help people but you are right that you need to take care of you first. A good thing to do is ask yourself, am I helping because I WANT to help or because I NEED them to like me? Not being judgmental here, just trying to give you something to think about and maybe help. I understand those feelings you have about resenting friends that always have their hands out. Friendship should be based on liking each other, and perhaps mutual benefits, but not out of needing something for someone.

About your new therapist...I would actually suggest bringing up in your next appointment that you felt judged when you talked about cutting. Your T should respect your feelings and she may even apologize for making you feel that way. It's actually good for you to talk about your feelings, even if it's regards to how you felt when you talked about it with your T. I once had a T who suggested I reconcile with my estranged mother, who had abused me, and for days I was a wreck because he had even suggested it. I scheduled an emergency appointment and basically told him outright to not suggest that ever again because I'm not in a place where I can even consider being around her. He respected my wishes and even commended me for stating plainly how I felt about it. He ended it by saying that he didn't want me to discount it entirely but that he would wait for me to bring it up when I was comfortable with it. I left feeling so much better.

It sounds like you are realizing that you need to stand up for yourself, which is great. Learning when to say NO is hard for a lot of us. It's okay to help out friends in need, but like you said, are they hanging out with you because they like you or just because it's convenient and they want something. I think in your heart you know what's going on. You seem to have good insight on it. Trust your intuitions.

Hope things get better!
Seesaw