had my frist apointment wih my new therapist and kind of mixed feelings

so I had my first apointment with my new therapist today and it didn't go nessicarily bad but i felt kind of judged when I mada comment about how a few months back I had cutted to try to cope with situation even though I know cutting is not a productive way of dealing with ones issues.

she pointed out that to her it seemed like it was easier for me to go back to do bad coping habbits like cutting vs. using better coping skills such as the ones I should have learned in DBT.

I feel like when I did do DBT it was very good for me. But also personally feel like I was pulled out of the group.

a little too soon and I could have gotten more out of it. I would love to be able to do DBT again cause I feel like it does a lot of good for people.

but sadly as of right now I don't really have the financial means to be able to do so.

heck thats why I went to another therapist cause this service is actually free of charge the place I was going to before charged $10 a session which is not so bad but when you unemployed you don't always have that much money just sitting about ready to use.

I know this lady dosn't know me that well and I know that in most cases when you do see someone for the first time its not going to be easy to do. I have such bad issues with boarderline personality disorer (at least what is speculated to be so) and what I believe might be rapid cycle manic depression. I just do not have an easy time opening up to others and trusting really that much of anyone.

I have a fairly small social group and I have had opertunites to make new friends. But most times when I make new friends its not really that they seem like they want to spend time with me its that they want to see me cause, I have a car and they need to get somewhere or I can help them with some sort of errand.

and I hardly think this is a "real" friendship I mean a friendship should not revolved around a person feeling obligated to help another.
Frankly in my humble opinion if you are a grown adult and you need me to help you get to and from work all the time thats not issues its yours. Your an grown up you need to solve that stuff yourself I have a life of my own....and I don't always have the time just drop everything that i do to help others.

but I do help others. I help others more then I help myself and it frustrates me a lot, my own life and how i live it does matter also I should take a stand more often and just flat out tell them. If you want to hang out with me to hang out with me that’s fine.

But do not ask me to help you or take you anywhere you need to go simply cause I have been nice and helped you out before in the past. Just cause I am a nice person should not mean I get taken advantage of by other people and I am sick of it happening to me.

I want to make friends in my life but I need better kinds of friends if this is how I am going to be treated.

Kala,

What your describing in helping all your friends sounds a lot like codependency issues. Sounds a bit like you are a "rescuer" and the friendships are sort of based on that. Not a bad thing that you like to help people but you are right that you need to take care of you first. A good thing to do is ask yourself, am I helping because I WANT to help or because I NEED them to like me? Not being judgmental here, just trying to give you something to think about and maybe help. I understand those feelings you have about resenting friends that always have their hands out. Friendship should be based on liking each other, and perhaps mutual benefits, but not out of needing something for someone.

About your new therapist...I would actually suggest bringing up in your next appointment that you felt judged when you talked about cutting. Your T should respect your feelings and she may even apologize for making you feel that way. It's actually good for you to talk about your feelings, even if it's regards to how you felt when you talked about it with your T. I once had a T who suggested I reconcile with my estranged mother, who had abused me, and for days I was a wreck because he had even suggested it. I scheduled an emergency appointment and basically told him outright to not suggest that ever again because I'm not in a place where I can even consider being around her. He respected my wishes and even commended me for stating plainly how I felt about it. He ended it by saying that he didn't want me to discount it entirely but that he would wait for me to bring it up when I was comfortable with it. I left feeling so much better.

It sounds like you are realizing that you need to stand up for yourself, which is great. Learning when to say NO is hard for a lot of us. It's okay to help out friends in need, but like you said, are they hanging out with you because they like you or just because it's convenient and they want something. I think in your heart you know what's going on. You seem to have good insight on it. Trust your intuitions.

Hope things get better!
Seesaw

Helping someone and 'Rescuing" someone is two different things. It is up to you to draw the line. It is advisable not to try to Rescue someone from their troubles.