Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
I stayed stuck for over 30 years, seeing different ts the whole time. I just didnt want to face that my family just plain didnt like me. I could admit that my mother thought children "in general" were a burden, but somehow i thought i was not included REALLY. But i was, REALLY.
When i finally decided to stop pretending with her, to stop covering up for her, things got better for me. So i would ask you - is there something youre pretending about? Besides the "bad" t. What drove you to each other? What was missing in your life that made you both vulnerable? You dont need to answer to me of course - there is a difference between blaming yourself and taking responsibility. When i took responsibility to stop pretending, i was willing to accept the consequences. Mostly that i would be ostracized. But people who were in denial themselves were the only ones who were negative - everybody else was supportive enough.
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Thanks so much. I am sure thst the same thing drove her to me as drove me to her. I am 33 and so badly hurt that I felt my mom never loved me, was never there physically or emotionally while I was growing up. I took care of myself snd I'm an only child so I was ways alone. My ex-T is 61 ( the exact same age as my mom) with no husband and no kids... i think I became like her daughter. If you believe in transference it was really messed up, intense countertransference. A few times she suggested extra sessions (always unpaid and for a few months, 3x a week) because she had free time and cares about me. I told her every little thing in my life by email and she'd always give me a long resoonse. I could call her anytime and we arrangrd phone calls too. The problem is She gave mr what I felt desperate for and then after 5 years changed her mind and damaged me in the worst way all over again. Like kicking somrone in a bruise.