Well I am writing this between my sleeping and living in bed/on the couch moments, because I would love some input in this....I just don't know anymore.

Up until the last two weeks or so, I was between slightly depressed and hypo for a bit. Everything was okay, I could go out and do things, I could actually go and do things without being scared of what may happen. My concentration was still screwed, but I was at least working on that.

Now fast forward to now-ish. I heard really scary news about someone in my family that usually sends me into a dive (my past and family is a big trigger of mine) followed by starting school again. Somehow, the combination of the two is trapping me close to how I was when I just started treatment. I am even back to hearing things at night and seeing things in the shadows. My worries are back, I'm holding back tears, my energy is gone (slept 14 hour days most of this week), and I generally don't have the will to do much.

I don't know what to do...I see my Pdoc on Wednesday, but he pretty much is the med guy and my psychiatric nurse is on vacation. I wanted to start college again and do well, but when I go, I need my benzo or I just can't do it if I manage to get myself out of the house.

I'm scared that I just can't do it, and I can't function high enough to take it....hell, I can't even function enough to hold jobs. I feel like I am destined to be a home body because I just can't do anything anymore.