Quote:
Originally Posted by roboanxia
I fell into something like depression last winter. I felt like a failure, disappointed, ashamed, frustrated, and indignation. In one instance, I told a sibling that the things around me felt more like a dream than reality. I had been bicycling as transportation, and that fall-winter a motorist seemed to want to hit me. Among other things, I think this was taken as paranoia when I had to be admitted that Spring after hurting myself as tensions at home were rising for reasons I can only guess at. Prior to that rising tension, something peculiar happened.
I felt a lot of shame and frustration, and as I was mulling it over I accidentally put my hands together as in prayer. Then I thoyght to myself that I liked the suffering, that for once I felt shame and indignation. I was seeing the world in a new way. I took my hands apart and whispered "Make me suffer." Meanwhile my father was supposed to have an extended break from work, which meant extra house-cleaning. Somehow it never happened. My vague recollection is that he was supposed to be off, but wasn't, and when I checked the day, it was way earlier in the week than it should have been. My first thought was that it was some kind of magic, a rip in the space-time continuum, but I knew that was impossible. I sat for hours trying to reconstruct the last week, but I couldn't confirm one way or the other. I went with the more reasonable explanation of faulty memories. In fact, that extended weekend never came.
I've always had this memory that, as a young boy, I would perform actions that were characterized by clear intent but were in fact involuntary. They were highly inappropriate, things you would never expect from an K-3 elementary school kid. Apparently this is a form of depersonalization.
I should ask my dad about what happened before my admission 4-5 months ago, but I'm afraid to. He's going to think my imagination is running away with itself. He probably won't remember anyway.
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Im sorry but we can not tell you whether this is time loss in you or not...
what I can tell you is what jumps out at me in your post... for example you stated...
"when I checked the day, it was way earlier in the week than it should have been"
here in my location time loss means there is a gap in memory and that it seems later than perceived. example sometimes when I am under stress I look at the time, notice it is noon then the next time I look at the clock it is 4 pm (later than I think it should be, because Im thinking it should be 12:30. so what happened between 1230 and 4 that I can not remember)
see what I mean with time loss its later than what I think it should be.
what else I can tell you is that not remembering things \having memory gaps or in your words time loss, comes with just about every mental disorder and for some people is perfectly normal.
you stated in another post you were diagnosed recently with psychosis nos, my suggestion is that to go according to what your own treatment providers have diagnosed you with and if you feel this diagnosis is not right just let them know and they can give you a new psychiatric evaluation that can verify for you what your diagnosis is.
one more thing something in your other post jumped out at me...you stated what you felt was depersonalization felt supernatural and ripped out of the space time continium... one thing you need to know about dissociative symptoms is that one of the distinguishing features is that they are different than psychosis symptoms.... in that reality testing remains intact... my point is ...
if you were here in my location discribing something as supernatural and ripped out of the space time continum would be a psychosis symptom not a dissociative symptom.
please talk with your treatment providers they will be able to explain why you are diagnosed psychosis rather than dissociative disorders and can re evaluate your symptoms to give you new diagnosis if you feel psychosis does not fit.