Was this time loss?

I fell into something like depression last winter. I felt like a failure, disappointed, ashamed, frustrated, and indignation. In one instance, I told a sibling that the things around me felt more like a dream than reality. I had been bicycling as transportation, and that fall-winter a motorist seemed to want to hit me. Among other things, I think this was taken as paranoia when I had to be admitted that Spring after hurting myself as tensions at home were rising for reasons I can only guess at. Prior to that rising tension, something peculiar happened.

I felt a lot of shame and frustration, and as I was mulling it over I accidentally put my hands together as in prayer. Then I thoyght to myself that I liked the suffering, that for once I felt shame and indignation. I was seeing the world in a new way. I took my hands apart and whispered "Make me suffer." Meanwhile my father was supposed to have an extended break from work, which meant extra house-cleaning. Somehow it never happened. My vague recollection is that he was supposed to be off, but wasn't, and when I checked the day, it was way earlier in the week than it should have been. My first thought was that it was some kind of magic, a rip in the space-time continuum, but I knew that was impossible. I sat for hours trying to reconstruct the last week, but I couldn't confirm one way or the other. I went with the more reasonable explanation of faulty memories. In fact, that extended weekend never came.

I've always had this memory that, as a young boy, I would perform actions that were characterized by clear intent but were in fact involuntary. They were highly inappropriate, things you would never expect from an K-3 elementary school kid. Apparently this is a form of depersonalization.

I should ask my dad about what happened before my admission 4-5 months ago, but I'm afraid to. He's going to think my imagination is running away with itself. He probably won't remember anyway.

Im sorry but we can not tell you whether this is time loss in you or not...

what I can tell you is what jumps out at me in your post... for example you stated...

"when I checked the day, it was way earlier in the week than it should have been"

here in my location time loss means there is a gap in memory and that it seems later than perceived. example sometimes when I am under stress I look at the time, notice it is noon then the next time I look at the clock it is 4 pm (later than I think it should be, because Im thinking it should be 12:30. so what happened between 1230 and 4 that I can not remember)

see what I mean with time loss its later than what I think it should be.

what else I can tell you is that not remembering things \having memory gaps or in your words time loss, comes with just about every mental disorder and for some people is perfectly normal.

you stated in another post you were diagnosed recently with psychosis nos, my suggestion is that to go according to what your own treatment providers have diagnosed you with and if you feel this diagnosis is not right just let them know and they can give you a new psychiatric evaluation that can verify for you what your diagnosis is.

one more thing something in your other post jumped out at me...you stated what you felt was depersonalization felt supernatural and ripped out of the space time continium... one thing you need to know about dissociative symptoms is that one of the distinguishing features is that they are different than psychosis symptoms.... in that reality testing remains intact... my point is ...

if you were here in my location discribing something as supernatural and ripped out of the space time continum would be a psychosis symptom not a dissociative symptom.

please talk with your treatment providers they will be able to explain why you are diagnosed psychosis rather than dissociative disorders and can re evaluate your symptoms to give you new diagnosis if you feel psychosis does not fit.

Hi roboaxnia, welcome to PC!

Like Amanda said, we can't DX you, but we can share what we go through and tell you to talk to a professional.

Anyways, do you have a diagnosis already? I ask because you said you had a bout of paranoia and delusions. Self harm wouldn't be a far step from any mental disorder. You also mentioned that you were admitted a few months ago...how did that go?

Anyhow...feel free to keep posting, I hope to hear more!

Thank you both for the responses.

4:00 the same day, or 4:00 several days later?
What I'm suggesting is that I may have skipped nearly a week, not realizing it until I checked the day wondering why things weren't going as expected.

When I read this article I thought it fit. Holly Gray (healthyplace.com losing time: the insidious nature of dissociative amnesia) thought something had occurred more recently than it actually had. She didn't realize she'd skipped several days until she reviewed the timeline with her partner.

I do have my doubts about the psychosis dx. I don't hallucinate.
They never did give a psychological evaluation from what I can tell. That dx was made by the inpatient psychiatrist whom I spoke with for less than 30 minutes total. My family was surprised by the diagnosis too.
I think I recieved that dx because I described facial recognition being overactive to the point that I was mentalizing on lifeless photographs. It was automatic. I still knew they were just photographs, but I couldn't control it.

The depersonalization referred to the childhood actions which were involuntary and out of my control.

AlwaysChanging2, the admission went swell. I was there for four days after an ER visit. I would go into detail if it weren't a rules violation. Basically I did more damage than I intended because there was no pain.
Most of the people there didn't seem crazy to me, but they most likely weren't telling everything in the groups.

many diagnosis evaluations are oral meaning done when the client \patient does not know they are being evaluated. they are questionaires that the treatment provider writes down/checks off upon initial meeting. your intake treatment provider probably did one of these while you were currently showing symptoms in the words you were using, what you were telling them was happening(otherwise called self reported symptoms) your body language, how aggressive or non aggressive, or lack of emotions, all kinds of things can be diagnosed with in that first contact meeting now. some there are many different /new psychosis symptoms and disorders since 2013, not all include things like hallucinations, some do include symptoms that are similar to dissociative disorders.

now most mental disorders include the diagnosis criteria that the problems can not be better explained by another mental or physical health problem. it may be that the kind of symptoms that you see as depersonalization and time loss are actually with in the new diagnostics and because you may not fit other criteria for dissociative disorders they may have had no choice but to use the other most fitting diagnosis.

my suggestion is since you dont agree with the diagnosis ask them why they diagnosed you the way they did and if you still after they explain why your problems fit psychosis not dissociative, you still do not agree ask them for another psychiatric evaluation.

here on psych central we cant answer any of those questions that are directly related to how and why and which mental disorder you may have,only your treatment providers can do that.

She's talking about losing time by being busy and distracted for several hours.

I can't say I have missing time because I'm co-conscience, but what I do have is missing memories. I don't 'come to" hours days later, the conscience stays aware...it's so weird. When we switch, whoever was out takes the memory with them when they go back in...leaving blank spots in my days...weeks...years....life. My blank spots are not the same blank spots of the others. Like I, the homebody, have vague glimpses or snapshots of what they did at work today...trying to bring up the memories is so stressful and straining that it makes me sick because they don't want to share.....but I can tell you everything that I've done since I became, easily...like I took a shower and exfoliated, then Sarah cooked dinner, then I came out and Epilatored my arms and legs and came on here to peruse the forums...while watching ET and The Voice while having a drink.

And yes...I have trouble telling what day of the week it is. :/

Only your mental health provider...T...can help you find your true frame of being.


I got committed for 2 weeks, and they were all nutz...except I was the 5th nuttiest. Some of the skirzophrenics were by the most nuttiest, but I had a few beat....not like it was a contest, but I was the most involuntarily reactive...if you know what I mean.

The thing is I didn't mention the more recent symptoms. I had convinced myself that the time loss never really happened, in part because I didn't think it was possible. The other complication is that many of my symptoms had remitted by the time I was admitted for self-injury.

I just read two papers. Spitzer, Barnow, Freyberger & Grabe, 2006, review the distinction between "compartmentalizing" dissociation and "detached" dissociation, with the former including amnesia and conversion disorders and the latter including depersonalization and derealization. Apparently they load on separate factors, for example Baker et al 2003 found that their sample of depersonlized subjects had low rates of amnesia. However "depersonalization" itself is broad. My involuntary actions sound more like a co-conscious possession, like what you describe, albeit very breif and without any apparent memory loss.

Everyone's system is different...it's hard to compare apples to oranges...I've found it's like basing me on another is so like misdirecting. I do experience DP/DR...but I also get to like disappear for awhile when I'm not needed.

We don't have possession...we become.

Studies are studies..but this field of psychology is so still wide open under an umbrella of uncertainty, I don't need a doctor to tell me that I have a broken arm when I have a broken arm. I'm smart this way...besides, I've known my whole life.

Studies done 10-12 years ago is so like so out of date, more have been investigated since then.

At least you have a start and an idea to build your beliefs upon till you know the truth. Test all things...don't be misdirected by your own thinking. I wish you luck forever.

It's 9 years old, but the finding was well-established, so it probably hasn't changed much. Maybe people with DID tend to have DP/DR but not vice versa. I see that many of you have depersonalization when an alter takes control, and Holly Gray described recollecting a "dream" which her partner informed her had actually happened (derealization).

I read in Leong, Waits & Diebold 2006 that dissociation is also (perhaps more srongly compared to B) linked with Cluster C personality disorders, particularly Avoidant Personality Disorder. It's interesting because I've suspected that I'm avoidant, although people I know think it's autism spectrum. Maybe it's a little of each.

I've been reading on the theory of structural dissociation...as described like "In the Haunted Self"- 2006

The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology): 9780393704013: Medicine & Health Science Books @ Amazon.com

It's a study on the neurobiological happenings of dissociation.

As far as personality clusters...we've got all types in here.

The original watches but we run the body....life. His thoughts are our thoughts which are his thoughts.

Memories disappear with switches and there are silent, visual, snapshot flashbacks of earlier life that come and go out of the darkness like a picture blowing by in a breeze.

Memory recall (if any) is dreamy because it's someone else's if they share it. We hardly ever have moving memories, just snippets.

Since we are always aware in the present, we don't have the classic "time loss"...just memories with holes in it. We all have different holes.

Depersonalizations I don't think I experience, at most...body parts don't appear or feel to be mine...it's just there.

Derealism...I get that when reality becomes detached and foreign...like in another plane or dimension where physics and logic don't apply.