Sorry I saw your post in the daily check in and didn't see this one. If you have any friends you trust even a bit, I hope you let them in a little. There is more understanding about depression now than years ago. You are shouldering all of your feelings yourself. We all need to confide in people. Maybe your parents would be more supportive, I don't know, if you did tell them more about how you feel. At least here, on the forum, you know you aren't alone in having chronic lasting depression. I hope you can get therapy.